saying goodbye is inevitable, isn't it?

i watched shutter (american version) the other night with my friend. it wasn't as scary as the original, maybe because i already knew certain scenes, as the story and events pretty much mirrored the original. it wasnt as creepy or scary, just the way the film was put together, i guess. it didn't seem as eerie or gritty. my friend was still scared and creeped out, though!

today i went and watch marley and me with paulinna. its not a great movie, but its pretty cute and some good laughs. its especially good for dog lovers. it was pretty weird at the beginning of the movie, the preview for bride wars was upside down and going backwards.. eerie.

today i watched troy, just to realize that i have already seen it. i was trying to spot the part where there was an airplane in the sky because my friend told me the other day that that was one of the mistakes or whatever of the movie and thought it was interesting. i didn't spot the plane.

so this morning (actually morning of Monday, dec 29th), my dad's friend and his family went home. i woke up early and sent them to the airport and said the goodbyes. the night before as i was taking my friend, (the daughter) somewhere, she was telling me of he stories her dad old her about our dads. it was quite interesting. anyways, its kind of sad when they left. goodbyes are always pretty tough for me. they seem to be some of the coolest and fun people to be with. my dad's friend was the first grown asian man to shake my hand. i've always wondered when i would be greeted with a handshake from a grown vietnamese man, instead of greeting them the standard way a young vietnamese kid would gree a grown up. its also kind of sad that my friend cindy and i didnt talk much, or pretty much at all until the last night we spent with each other. i had a feeling i was going to be that way and i was going to regret it, but i'm still glad i got to know her a little better than not at all, i guess.

anyways, i think our family is visiting them in the summer in maryland, so i can have more time to get to know their family a lot more. that should be fun/interesting and i look forward to it. i'm excited for the summer, but that just means i have to get through the spring semester! i'm still on winter break but i'm dreading school already!! new year's is coming up and i think i've got some resolutions. the thing is i've never had resolutions. for new years i think i'll be going to the taiko house. i dont really want to but because is binh's birthday, i probably will stop by. until next time!

you're every line, you're every word

i hope everyone had a wonderful christmas, and that your break is awesome. my break is okay, and christmas is just like any other day, really. i'm not being a grinch or anything, but thats just how its always been. i'm grateful for the break, though and enjoying it thoroughly. my dad's friend and his family from maryland is spending their christmas with us. they have a daughter that i'm trying to keep company but i'm pretty horrible at entertaining or even talking to people, especially someone i just met. i'm trying, though.

so i watched 27 dresses and what happens in vegas. 27 dresses is just okay, and what happens in vegas i actually enjoyed. i'm done with chick flicks for a while, so i rented some "manly" movies, at least manlier. i have the dark knight and die hard on blu-ray. i also rented gladiator, alexander, troy, and eurotrip, because it was only like .50 to rent and i never seen it before.

so i watched gladiator, and as i expected, it was a great movie. i've seen like 10 min of it online before, but i'm glad to be able to watch the whole thing on DVD. the movie is inspiring. i watched alexander the great, the one with the colin guy, i think. it was kind of disappointing. the vibe i received from the movie was that alexander wasn't that great. all of the gay stuff that the movie put alexander made me want to turn it off. this "manly" movie turned out not too manly at all.

on christmas night, i watched the curious case of Benjamin button with some friends. i wanted to watch it from reading the plot and with the brad pitt hype, so i was pretty satisfied being able to go. it was a wonderful movie, despite it lasting 3 hours. i found a couple parts of the film to be quite moving and almost teared up. not really. its a great movie! brad pitt was pretty good looking, thats a plus for the ladies. there was a quote i remember from the movie: "you are meant to lose the people you love. that's how you know how much they meant to you" or something along those lines.

today i went to the mall with my friend from maryland and my brother. the mall was really crowded because of the sales or whatever. my friend wanted to rent a scary movie so we went and rented the happening. hmm.. i didn't like the movie much. i found it.. weird. later i watched hancock with my brother. it wasn't as bad as i've heard from people.

i'm also reading twilight. its pretty interesting so far, i just wished it wasnt first person narrative of a teenage girl. oh well, i guess thats what makes it good.

please don't feel bad. its really not you. its me

slow dancing in a burning room

i was debating whether if i wanted to keep blogging in this thing because apparently quite a few people read this thing. i like writing or whatever so whoever that is reading this should feel fortunate because this is probably the most i reveal to anybody about my superstar life!

anyways, i'll sum up the last couple days or week or whatever. i went to akdphi installs/lambdas formals. i was sober the whole night until the end when i took a couple shots of 151 within minutes. it was so crazy, i felt my life flashing before my eyes. Just kidding, but my body started going down real quick. i left pad thai and then i pissed outside, i hope no one saw. cing took me home and bought me some chalupas. we were at the drive-in and cing was complimenting how i didn't throw up that night and then i opened the door and threw up at the drive-in! lol cing took me home and didn't leave until i fell asleep.

i realized i have like the best littles ever. chris bui has this understanding of me. when i ask anything of him he never hesitates to do it. we have the same interest when it comes to drinking and things like that. we're beginning to learn more about each other more. he knows that i like steak chalupas from taco bell, especially after i drink. there was something yesterday that surprised me and made me feel good inside. during the thanksgiving dinner with phi d, we had these name tags we wore with our names. i wrote a name tag for him that said 'tan is my favorite big' and annie (his other big) took it off and threw it away. he put it back on later. last night annie and chris were sitting next to each other and i came over and annie said something big and little something. later chris bui opened his wallet and showed me he still had that name tag from thanksgiving! hehe how sweet, huh?

cing is so cool because she's so funny and unique. she always has something to say or whatever and it just makes me feel really happy inside. she's awesome because she takes care of me when i'm drunk. what more can i ask for? she is also really to talk to about girl problems and stuff. she has a lot of insight and seems pretty knowledgeable about relationship stuff.

this semester has gone by so quick. its really weird because as we grow older the time goes by faster. when i was younger i used to look forward to things, although it may be small things. i can't say this semester was the greatest semester ever but i'm kind of glad happen the way they do. i've met so many new people that are so cool, which are pretty much the new taikos and phi d girls. its kind of bittersweet because it makes me feel that my time is over and i am starting to feel old now, although i'm only 19. i also had some goals this semester that were going really well but three fourths the way i neglected these goals and lost complete focus. i've also began picking up some really bad habits, and i can somewhat feel them contributing to my declining health in the long run. i'm not crazy about anything because i can control when i still do these certain things. hmm maybe new year's resolutions?

things are the way they are simply because there is a reason. i think if you knew things you would understand me and the things i do a little more. i do admit the things i do sometimes may seem immature or selfish. its something i've been struggling with for quite a while and i don't see any end to it soon. sometimes moving on is really hard, when you're a loyal person. i wish i could control the things i feel and the circumstances i'm in but sometimes situations are out of hand and feelings/emotions are just something thats almost impossible for me to control, although i'm pretty good at keeping it inside, it doesn't mean i don't feel it. sometimes its hard to express things; but i really do care for you.

now i'm just at home enjoying my break, which is all i could ask for. although life is going by pretty quick at this point and sometimes you wish you could stop time, this break is probably the next best thing. just to slow things down a little, reflect, and invest some time into things i couldnt do otherwise. some plans i do have include christmas shopping (which i havent even began yet!!!!), which also means i have to wrap these gifts, gah. i'm probably going to dallas the weekend of christmas with my family, my parents friends and her daughter. i also plan to read twilight, which seems gay huh. i'm also going to be watching movies, preferably romantic comedies because that's my favorite genre.

yesterday i rented four movies from family video. i rented the american rendition of my sassy girl, made of honor, 27 dresses, and what happens in vegas. i watched my sassy girl and made of honor last night and might watch the other 2 tonight. i was hesitant to get my sassy girl, but i got it only because it was a free rental. family video is a really cool place to rent movies. its cheaper than blockbuster! and plus new members get half off rentals for 30 days. AND lets say you had a member ship in norman (like me) and your 30 days ran out, you go to mustang family video and its a complete new membership, so you can get 30 days more of discount! perfect for me because of break, and i plan to watch a lot of movies.

anyways, i watched my sassy girl, and of course i didn't like it as much as the original. i didn't find myself hating it or anything possibly because some scenes it tried to copy scene for scene from the original. for instance, the guy saved the girl from the train, taking her home, the line game with the right or left foot, the piano playing of pachebels canon, and stuff like that. honestly, i didnt like the movie much. i felt kind of awkward watching it.

as for made of honor, i actually liked it. it wasn't bad..

so i'll be home a lot this break, and if you feel like if you want to watch a movie or play ps3 games with me, then give me a call!

btw, i kinda sorta miss you.

this year i received a little sister. i think i'm really fortunate to have a little sister, especially someone like her. her personality is so fun and she always makes me smile or laugh when i'm around her. if i ever had a real little sister, i wouldn't mind someone like her. i feel like i can tell her a lot of things that i can't tell anyone else and i'm so glad for that. i may not mean anything to her but just a single conversation or hanging out with her means so much to me. she probably doesn't know that i think of her like this. don't let her know, though. her head might get too big! 

am i a good person? decent, at least? am i likable? maybe not, 

just because i may be "expressionless" does not mean i am "emotionless"

what the hell am i doing? no girl is worth any of this shit

i can prevent this from going any further

for real this time, i will avoid you

and slowly fade away

i think its about time i need to talk to someone.. someone that can help and make me feel better.

i love this song. its put your head on my shoulder by michael buble. back home in mustang at my house we have this balcony thing that faces the backyard and you can look into the night sky. when i listen to this song i imagine my special someone and i having candle lit dinner at night. my christmas lights are wrapped around the balcony and turned on. it won't be too cold, and not windy at all. it will start to lightly snow and the sky is clear, the stars are bright and the moon is dreamy and then we will dance slowly and her head will lay on my shoulder.. its a lovely song!

if i die tomorrow, bury me in black with a red tie, go party like a taiko and take a shot for me

so friday was our taiko house party. well first of all, friday. i woke up receiving a phone call with someone asking me to do something that was going to take the whole day. i was to take some of the kappas to skydiving training because one couldnt go saturday in time for the training. so i obliged and fortunately CT was going with me otherwise i wouldn't know the way. we were supposed to leave around 2:30 but didn't leave until 4:30 i think. we were eating in the union and then took lukes car and it overheated or something so we had to come back and switch cars.

the car ride was somewhat interesting. we managed to arrive at cushing by 6 o'clock. we saw waz there and he gave the kappas a very quick training session. it lasted about an hour and a half, i think? on the way home we stopped by mcdonalds and ate some food. we arrived in norman at about 10ish. i went home and changed and stuff and then headed to the house. i was kind of disappointed because i had plans with my little that night to come up with a punch thing for the party but we couldnt because we went to cushing.

anyways, i was impressed with what was going on at the taiko house. it was fairly early so there weren't any people over yet. some of the brothers and the kohai were preparing for the party. we had the omega red sign being fixed and i saw the lights in the house. there were more decorations on the walls. i like how the house is falling together nicely. we had a nice patrolling and shuttling system that worked out nicely. its nice hearing compliments on that. we also received compliments on our bar, too.

at around midnight or 1 people began coming it. the house was pretty packed. something i really liked about the night was how the gender ratio was. usually you go to a party and theres like a male to female ratio of about 3:1 or something but that night it was literally the other way around! or at least it seemed that way because the only people that were dancing were girls! i think its better that way because my theory is i think girls like dancing within themselves because theyre out to have fun with their own girlfriends, or whatever. i tried dancing that night but i was caught up in drinking. i usually don't have the confidence to dance unless i have a certain amount of alcohol in my system. to hit that certain "good feeling", you have to drink a very careful and certain amount, otherwise you might still be too sober or might be drunk, and you won't be having a good time but might be loud, obnoxious, or whatever.

when i was dancing i didnt reach my "good point" so i went to drink some more but i didnt realize that i had passed the point i was aiming for so i never went back to dance. the thing about me and dancing is i don't like it that much. i feel like after a year or plus of college and tko, i think i have the confidence to dance with any girl, even if it takes a certain amount of alcohol in my system. what i've been struggling is there is only one girl i care for, but no matter what i drink or what environment it is, i don't have the confidence to dance with her. no matter how "good" my alcohol level is, or even how confident or loose i am that night, i can't do it.

ironically, at every party during the party, i try to avoid and ignore her. i don't even have the confidence to say anything. i avoid eye contact, and even sometimes i may even seem like a jackass trying to ignore her. its not that i don't want to talk to her or even work my "game", but i don't want to say anything stupid that i might regret the next day. this is a girl that i try to impress or whatever, which i know i don't have to impress anyone, but i can't help it. even though i usually drink a lot and get shit faced, i don't think i ever lost my cool. i never really got angry or emotional. the thing is i think if i were to ever talk or communicate with this certain girl in any way, i might lose my cool or even getting emotional or something. when i am drunk, i notice little things too easily and overanalyze too much.

anyways, another point i want to make is i smoke only on occasion. it was something i began to do during a low point in my life, yes it was stupid but i don't think i have any addiction. i don't smoke packs of cigarettes a day. i smoke only at some parties, and its usually when i hit a certain alcohol level in my system. there are only parties (that i'm invited to) about once in a month or two, and i don't even smoke at every party. i smoke about 2 or 3 black and milds and/or primetimes or stuff like that. i think when i smoke at a party its more like a "checkpoint". its when i think to myself and analyze what happened in the night up to thus far. its when i realize how sober i am and if there is anything i need to do, and try to remember how much i drink and stuff. its also a thing that my big and i do. smoking may be somewhat the result of my emotional being, but not all a bad thing!

there was something about this party that i tried that was new. no, its not drugs but i kept a list of what i drank that night. its pretty stupid if you see a guy writing down on a piece of paper after he drinks something. i did it to keep track of what i drink, because the past parties i got shitfaced and don't remember anything i drank. i think this drink list thing was a pretty good idea until i lost the pen at some point in the night.. hahah. anyways, here is my list:

1 effen black cherry thing
1 grey goose w/lil sis cing
1 soco and lime w/big tiep
1 soco and lime w/lil bro chris bui
1 effen
3 delta punch
1 shot of something
2 parrot bay
1 jello shot w/ li2z and her sisters
1 TKO shot (??)
1 crown with the homies
1 beer from keg
1 root beer (??) i later figured it was crown and root beer

thats all i have up until i lost my pen. i also made this list because there are always people saying they drank so much at a party but they seem completely fine. people say stuff like "yeah, i had 15 shots and i'm completely fine" that sounds kind of bullshit to me. this is also something that is kind of proof, but has flaws in itself. for instance, i could just add and write shit down that i didnt really drink. to fix those flaws in this system i could have the "bartender" or whoever i'm taking a shot with sign my paper and write down who i took it with or whatever and maybe even put down the time. that sounds like a lot of trouble but i might do that the next time i drink.

another thing relating to the party. if you are not a TAIKO, please keep our fucking warcry out of your motherfucking mouth. i know you love Tau Kappa Omega because we are the shit and throw bad ass parties but don't yelling our fucking warcry at YOUR party, or our party. we wouldn't go around saying your shit, and i don't think you would appreciate it either.

i did end up throwing up at the end of the night but i think it was because i was eating a chalupa. i think i would've been fine if i didnt eat the chalupa. later i ate another chalupa and threw up again too. i admit i was pretty drunk, though. a good thing about me is i only get really fucked up and throw up at the end or after a party is over, not during the party, so thumbs up for that!

the next morning i woke up on the couch under the TKO seal with a chalupa in my arms. i think i was sleeping awkwardly but i woke up to johnny's voice telling me to wake up. it was about 10am. he took me home so i could shower and stuff because i was.. dirty. after that, we met up at the taiko house again and waited for the rest of the people to come so we could leave to cushing to watch the kappas jump.

i rode in chris bui's truck but slept most of the time so yeah. we reached cushing and then went to the KFC buffet. man it was good but i wasn't feeling well because of a slight hangover that i had from the previous night. we later went back to the place so they could complete their training. it seemed to go by so quick because before i knew it, they were jumping. to my surprise, chris bui was going to be the first to jump. i was the first to jump in my class so it kind of made me happy. so we went out to watch them jump and chris bui came out of a plane, then floated, then he landed on his feet. cool, huh? anyways, thats all that matters. we went back to the taiko house to watch the OU football game.

saturday night we just watched the game and then have some birthday spankings and then drinking games and some singing and football throwing and stuff like that. I stayed up until like 5 or 6. I slept at the taiko house even though i didnt want to. i woke up around noon but kept sleeping and didnt really leave until like 4. chris bui and tim were over for something. so now i'm at my place and really hungry. i think i will go to the union and hang out with charlie because he can always put a smile on my face. i'm also goingn to buy some taco bell too.

sometimes i feel like i care too much when i need to care for myself more. i think its really time, that i give up. i'm not getting anything in return. i don't feel appreciated. sometimes you don't even see me. i just thought we were closer than this but its okay. who cares what i think. "thanks" is all i ever get. "thanks" is just a word. well, here you go. "thanks".

what were your intentions? what are your intentions? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING MOTIVE??!!
why do i always fall for it.
what do i have that you pry for, what do i have that you corner me to a cliff, you leave me hanging, and as i'm about to let go, i look at you with my eyes, clearly asking you to help but i still can't say a word, then you pull me up, and i am at your mercy
please, kindly let me go
i am so close. i am so close to letting everything go.


i'd love you, if you let me.

i am now home.. recovering from my hangover.
so yesterday was a busy day.
i woke up late and went to christmas headstart.
paulinna came to norman to visit me and we went out to lunch and just hung out. :)
after that, i went to help prepare for the TKO/PHI D thanksgiving dinner.
dinner began at 7. it was great seeing old faces and then there were new faces. it was really nice. there was a lot of food and it was good! afterwards we went to the taiko house to hang out and drink/party. the mu class of phi d recently crossed so we were celebrating that, too.
so congratulations phi delta alpha's mu class! i love cing! even though she tricks me and makes me look stupid.
i got pretty drunk that night and then i tried taking care of cing but at some point in the night i was throwing up and she took care of me. it was nice. its pretty cool seeing the mu class drinking, because i know they've been waiting. at least i know cing was.
there are things that i remember, that makes me wonder. just maybe little things. perhaps. but when i'm drunk there are certain things that my sensitivity increases and i think about it and i cant stop thinking about it.

i want to show you i care, because i really do. i know your defenses are up. you don't have to tear your wall down for me, just at least answer the door when i knock. i really care and i just want to be by your side.

i know there are many times i should feel really happy, but why do i always feel hurt inside.

hmm.. i've been slacking too much lately.. too much.
DEPsi party was friday. i had a pretty goooooood buzz..
OU vs TX Tech.. it was really cold, but we dominated.
umm.. cant wait til thanksgiving break..!

i live ina really, really cold place. once i get somewhat warm in my bed. i don't want to leave. this place is cold, dark, and lonely!!!!
i'm going to make a wishlist of what i want.. just for fun.

clothes, like northface apparel, this gap jacket, this a&f jacket and/or coat.. hmm maybe some stuff from american eagle.. like the sweater thing and the knitted hat thing, OU apparel. some clothes from express.. i'm picky with clothes though.. games for ps3.. shoes, NBA socks! preferably in cool colors, more winter apparel.. maybe a water pik haha, hmm a new phone would be nice.. you can buy me alcohol.. itd be nice too. i like accessories.. maybe some nice cologne, i kinda need a new backpack, maybe northface.. maybe, oh i like skateboard too


i'll add more as i think of more..

and no, i don't want to feel this way. i just can't really help it.. but i keep diving myself into it. i was feeling confused and lost but now that i've realized it, i will stop. i will stop putting myself in this situation. i don't want to deal with you anymore, and you dont even know it, but its really that hard.

i guess we're not that close afterall

but i find myself missing you
tossing and turning at night
even when you are right in front of me
all i want is to be close and we don't
even have to say a word
and i find myself in your security
and all is okay. but just.. okay.

today is that certain day. that certain day. i give up. i give it all up.
there's no more A or B.
i think of her all the time. and i think of her all the time. how do i get over you?
how do i get over you?
please say something
tell me anything. anything. i'll listen. i promise.
its really hard for me. if i could just tell you.
we're not that close, i guess.
there's nothing between us that stands out between you and anyone or between me and anyone else.
i guess its just normal. there isn't anything special.
but you do mean a lot.
i hate you.

today is the day.

this weekend was pretty fun.. or cool or w/e. i have a lil sis now.. i mean i knew who she was but she now knows who i am. hmm.. i don't really think she likes me all that much but its cool.. especially after thursday night.. there was a party after revealing of lil sis/big bro and stuff and i got a little too crazy but it did not seem like it.. everything came so fast. i had a major hangover for the rest of the day friday... a bad hangover. i really want to say i will be more responsible, because being a big i'm suppose to be somewhat of a good influence but my little came up to me and said i was a bad influence.. T.T so i woke up friday and it felt like a saturday.. lol. then just hung out with the guys.. went to ronny's and cooked some food. later that night we had a video game madness night.. i didn't really play. i just fell asleep and stuff... and then went out to eat lunch i guess.

now i'm home in mustang.. there were some stuff i was planning to do this weekend but i didn't get to. i wanted to talk to someone.. and just get things off my chest. but i got too crazy and stuff. well yea, i wanted to talk to binh just because he seems to understand me pretty well but i think i will wait til next weekend. sometimes you have a lot to say but even if you say it it doesn't really make you feel better.. the problem is still there and you jsut can't help the way you feel. i'm watching the osu texas tech game right now.. penn state was upset by iowa.. i think for ou's benefit i think we want texas tech to win against osu.. anyways

there are certain things you can't try too hard to get. its like chasing a butterfly.. the more you chase after it the harder it is to catch.. its just probably better to let it be. even if it can't be yours

i respect guys that can approach a girl they like or take the initiative even if they force it and do it incorrectly and the girl rejects them or the girl is totally creeped out.. at least he's got balls..

how do i get you to notice me?
even as i am sitting beside you

words that i want to tell you.
knowing you for so long
but i can't get the words out
to tell you that you
are very important to me
and right now, i miss you.

it feels so good to drink.
it feels so good to drink for the right reasons.
it feels so good to drink for the wrong reasons.
it feels good that for a slight moment i think that i may have a chance with you.
it feels so good to have a little that will drink with me without any questions or hesitation.
it feels so good to drink.

this weekend was awesome.. i havent had such a great time in such a long time!

I have a lil bro now.. its pretty cool. it feels weird, though. like.. i'm too old or something. i'm going to have a lil sis soon, also. i wonder how that will be. i'm pretty sure i will love both of my littles.. lol. i'm still trying to figure out whats really special about my lineage. people don't really kno about my lineage.

well, i might be moving out and staying with tiep. hopefully that goes through! itll be awwesome. this coming week is calc test, asian olympics dodgeball, maybe taiko olympics but for some reason i have a feeling maybe not.. its up to me i guess, iota and lambda class or fall 2k7 taiko/phid haunted forest trip which i'm not going but yea, and the halloween party! well hopefull we figure out something to be!

oh yeah i'm getting little big planet for ps3.. come over and play video games with me sometime. we can play nba 2k9 or fifa 09, also.. maybe resistance 2 or guitar world tour if i decide to get that..

with nothing but your T-shirt on

OU/TX was disappointing in my opinion.

can you believe we've been through like half the semester already? time flies.. things arent really exciting or anything. theres nothing i really look forward to. theres nothing to look forward to, as of now, anyways.

i've been on soompi and its really interesting. i like to read the relationships stuff and its just really interesting what people feel or experience. i'm pretty sure by now (age 19), many people have experienced some kind of deep emotion for the opposite sex, or individual. have you ever wondered if you ever made someone else feel that way for you? i just find it interesting. im curious if i ever made a girl fall for me.

i sometimes wonder if i ever made a girl cry for me at night. i wonder if there was ever a girl that hid around a corner looking at me opening my locker to get my books. i sometimes wonder if a girl goes to my facebook page, clicks on my picture, leave the monitor on at night and then goes to sleep. what am i saying? i KNOW there are girls that have done this because of me.. just kidding. its just kind of weird there couldve been someone that was crazy for you and you never knew. there could've been someone out there that has a shrine dedicated to you! you might've never even said hi to this girl, never been acquainted with her, or even know she exists. what is really worse is there might've been a person you made feel this way for you, and this person you may have felt the same for and you never knew.

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make

Its a pretty cool song.. i think when girls where nothing but a t shirt on.. is hot.

bo go ship da....

i went to AASA date auction and party. eh.. but raised a lot of money it seems! so yay for that
i must conquer my weakness but it is a challenge: dancing when sober. i don't think it will ever happen. when i dance sober i create a 3 person radius of awkwardness.. i wish i was able to drink :(

i love the weekends.. but i dread the weekdays. i hate waking up early and doing shit. gah but i've been playing video games lately. i actually bought a ps3.. i've been spending too much money lately. plus, there's OU/TX i'm pretty sure i'm going to. playing halo 3 online is so bad ass.. lol

i hope this year i will be able to be pretty cool with the new phi dee pledges. i hope my awkward character does not hinder the potential of our bond.

i want this phone

you drive me crazy.
everytime i see you, your beauty makes me forget all the stupid and ridiculous reasons i want to ignore you

there's nothing you can offer me that i want

so i went to dallas recently with some friends and a brotha (BJ). i went with kevin, ki, and bj. we jsut wanted to dallas for some genuine fun.. man fun.. the summary was we went shopping, eat some korean food (ki is so cool..) karaoke.. and.. thats it.. lol. it was fun though.. besides driving home at 2:30 am and getting back at 5 is pretty new to me.

today i am going to dallas again with my family.. sweet.. it'll be a different kind of fun.. hopefully they buy me stuff. i might be going to dallas again next weekend for OU/TX weekend! sweet..

girls are stupid.. i'm not saying that i have girl probs.. but i have prob with girls around me.. stupid. jerks that like to play with men's hearts. it pisses me off.. from what i see all girls are the same. but yes.. i can work out again on monday. time to look sexy

yesterday was a pretty fun day..
first i woke up then went to the driving range.. and batting cage.. then went to lunch.. then went home to mustang.. then went to temple.. and then went to the fair and got all these stuffed animals and ate all this food.. and it was all paid for.

it was pretty fun. too bad it wasn't spent with a girl..

Rush is over. There is nothing else I can say, or really am allowed to say but I am glad it is over in the sense that I will have a little more free time than usual. I am also pretty excited for this semester because we will accomplish so much, but I am excited for the year in general. Now that I have a little more free time, I hope to study more with this alotted time slots in my schedule and hopefully sticking to my work out/diet routine.

I just took my chem exam last night. At first I did not feel like I was prepared. I tried studying but I feel like nothing sticks in my head. I should develop better study habits. As I was taking the test, it was really weird but the test seemed easier than the online quizzes and stuff that I have taken. I thought I did alright on the exam but when the professor gave out the answers to the exam later that night and I compared them to my answers, I suck ass.

In my life right now there is nothing bothering me. I think I've just been either too busy to worry or care anymore about anything or I've just grown used to and adapted whatever negativity in my life I may be experiencing. What does bother me is when someone around me, especially ones that I care about, are involved in or experiencing some kind of problem. When I see them that way it gives me a sense of frustration for them. I can't help but feel angry and bothered all the time. Anways, I hope things get better for you and I will be willing to help. I'm a great listener :)

Paulinna's 18th birthday was yesterday, so happy birthday to Paulinna! and Tammy's birthday is coming up also, I think. :)

she's the most beautiful girl i've ever seen.. especially when i'm drunk.. and especially when there are only 4 girls in a group of 30

i am home in Mustang as of now. this past week has been busy, of course, but things are starting to slow down a bit. well, that's what i think but it will soon be speeding up and stuff soon. yesterday i went to work at IT for the first day. it was quite interesting. i did some stuff afterwards with kevin and dennis. they were going to a concert in tulsa later that day. at 4:30 we had some flag football action.

later that day was Fred's dinner at saii. it was a 44$ meal. fred was being a baby in the restaurant because he didn't want to go to norman. he later got jumped outside the restaurant by tiep, bc, and trung and was wounded, literally. after that i went to tony's place in the city for a bit. it is a super nice apartment! too bad it is a little empty, though. so after that we headed to norman to go to the taiko house for fred's thing which he didn't even show up for.

in the car i fell asleep because i was so tired. i've been really tired all the time lately actually. i don't even have time to nap. anyways, the trip to norman felt quick because i was asleep most of the time. it's funny how i could still sleep with no leg room because tony's car is small and his driver seat is up into my personal space.

so we reach the taiko house and its a sausage fest. there were literally only like two girls and that was loan and kat. we tried to get it started by taking 151 shots. UGH. loan is cool, though. she's always down for anything. later some females started coming. females such as tammy and emily and their friend. later more girls came. the gammas, i believe. so we partied the night away.

throughout the night i took shots and shots and i lost count. i took shots for fred's birthday, who wasn't even there. we took shots for David Le for passing his bar exam. Congratulations, bro! we took shots to brothers, we took shots to our sisters, and to our new friends, the gammas. oh yeah, i had a flaming dr. pepper.

anyways, as the night progressed i became loud and obnoxious. i guess i was drunk. well anyways. after people started leaving i wanted to go home. so i called kevin up to pick me up. he came over with dennis but thats when everything was going downhill... i began throwing up in the bathroom and my consciousness was beginning to disappear.

i hate throwing up so much. i was pretty much making love to the toilet, as gross it was. someone earlier in the night threw up everywhere in the bathroom. there were literally fucking chunks under the cabinets and in the corner. it was fucking disgusting. although it was disgusting, i was drunk and i had my arms around the toilet and my body rolling on the floor. ugh.

i was carried to the car after i sat outside for a bit puking. kevin and dennis carried me to dennis's car and i sat in the front seat. dennis had a bag around my head just in case i had to throw up. the thing was it was around my face and suffocating me like he was trying to kill me. i didn't feel too well after that. once i got home i crashed and starting have weird dreams.

my dreams consisted of partying, picnics, and other.. stuff. as for the partying part of the dream, the scenario was i was still at the party at the taiko house but cops came and crashed the party and partied with us? i don't quite remember but i had very weird dreams.

i began kind of waking up at 10 but slept again. i realized i miss my training for work which i am so pissed at myself for. my head hurt really bad and i just felt really, really shitty. i had a burning in my internal area and i had this sick feeling like i was going to puke. i coughed a lot too because i've been sick for a while.

kevin was at the house with me. thanks for taking care of me. its nice to know there are people or even just one person that cares (or shows it) with such compassion and sincerity. so he stayed there pretty much all day although he had stuff to do and he didn't have his car there so i let him take my car. after he left i started throwing up again. it is such a disgusting feeling but i felt a little better aferwards.

i went to bed for a while and called kevin to return my car because i felt like i was good enough to drive back home. i was driving home and realized.. "wait, this is such a familiar setting." i was hungover and it was raining. the last time that happened i hydroplaned on the highway and hit my car. so i was like.. hmm.. and put on my seatbelt.

it was a pretty terrible experience at first. i was feeling shitty and it was raining and i had the windshield wipers on. the wipers were going at this steady, constant pace. the whole time i felt nauseous. it really is a terrible feeling. fortunately, the rain began to stop as i reached the metro. the rain was still coming but the windshield wipers slowed down.

i could still hear the gentle drops from the clouds hitting my car. it sounded soothing. my ipod was on shuffle and the songs "dreaming with a broken heart" from john mayer and "gravity" from sara bareilles came on. the songs and the setting gave this sentimental experience. i just had a lot of thoughts and feelings running.

i finally made it home and the first thing i did was shower. now i am sitting and eating and about to study for my upcoming chem test. this year is going to be great. i am the best.

so i told that long-winded story not because i thought it was cool or anything. i told it because it was a pretty shitty feeling. i don't want to feel that shitty anymore. i just wonder how i ended up drinking that much. there is no point in drinking if you've passed the "good" point. after that you're just wasting alcohol and became loud and obnoxious. some people might find it funny and entertaining but i don't want to be that drunk.

its also pretty terrible to puke (especially after a $44 meal) and stuff. the toilet is gross. also, you will end up with a nasty hangover and it will ruin your day. you spend the day rolling in bed wondering why did you do what you did and was it even worth it, especially if you didn't wake up with a naked stranger girl next in bed with you (of course that didn't happen to me, i have a twin sized bed anyways). i'm not saying i will never drink again.. but drink in moderation at least!

i've had such a busy, busy week. some highlights of my week are:

-rush
-IT job interview
-party
-football game
-iPod

good news is i got the IT job. but now that i have it i kind of dread it. i don't really want to work early in the morning. its like when i don't have a job i wish i had a job but when i have a job i complain how it sucks and wish i didn't work. i think its the concept of how i like the thrill of the chase and not the catch.

i had a pretty good time friday night. i think my alcohol tolerance has gone up now. i had a pretty good time. i was different at this party maybe because i drank the right amount or just because i don't care anymore because i usually don't dance with strange girls.

the football game was pretty fun. i had a slight hangover but it went away as i was waiting for the game to begin and as i was drinking water. i was at the game with kevin, tim, and josh and some DEPsi guys. we ate at pad thai afterwards and i am very tired and slightly sunburnt.

i have an iPod now!

i miss how we used to be.

baby, you can have whatever you like..

i don't like this position i am in.. i find out that i am too easily attached. its kind of hard to get people to see the way you see when they are blinded by "the other side". i find some people are being too nice as when others are cheating, dirty bastards. but the more i speak of it you may think i am biased. the more i think about this i get so stressed and i put so much time and effort into this, stepping outside of my box, just to try to get some people to realize this vision. i wish i could explain more..

its been pretty boring but busy lately. all i do is school and been busy with rush and stuff. actually, it hasn't been boring.. rush is pretty exciting but its a lot of work. i can't wait til rush is over so i can start focusing on school as much as i want to.

the weather has been pretty gay lately, and because of that, i have caught a cold or something. ugh..

since andy's going away thing and danny talking to me online i've been thinking of old friends and old times and i kind of miss it. there are friends that don't even live far away but we don't even see each other that much anymore maybe because we're not that close or we're just too busy, i don't know but it kind of sucks because after college we only grow more distant. i hope to see danny soon, though.. hhaha

kevin has been living with us for the past week or two. its been pretty nice because its kind of like having a wife or something. he cooks, he cleans, he takes verbal abuse.. lol. but there is no cuddling or anything like that :( haha jk..

i don't know if its because of rush or what but i haven't had the chance to hang out wtih any of the guys much. for example, i used to see hieu all the time last year but i only see him so far only when we have to be around each other. i guess everyone is just busy and plus, i need time to myself and be alone a lot this year to get things done.

i'm sorry if my blog seems emo because i only write about things that bother me. i seldom write about happy things because i only write about that only when its something major and i could talk to anyone about that, but yes. and no, i don't feel comfortable talking about my girl situation if you ask me.. because i don't have a girl "situation" involved.. thanks.

as this year is beginning there was such a great vision of this great grandeur but there are already obstacles coming up.. but we pulled through it and hit it hard and to me it was still success even though not as planned.

the first week of school was overwhelming with the classes and school making me so tired. i don't even have time to hang out.. can you believe it? oh well, i think that is for the best. i am starting to feel different about things this year and am having second thoughts.

this house is like a trap.. a curse. last year i would be one of the ones that were always over but now that i am one of the residents there are new people that come and stay over. i just find it funny how this house always has guests. despite the shittyness of the house people feel welcomed here or something.

everytime.. i just want to keep drinking.. and drinking.. and drinking.. so i don't think so much about it. but i actually think more because i try to hold myself back from doing something i will regret. i try to hold myself from saying the things i shouldn't say. i try to hold what i feel what i shouldn't feel because i might do something i will regret. but why do i feel this certain way everytime

hello, all.. i am sorry to disappoint all of my readers for not updating.. i've been busy.. and by readers i mean tony who stalks me.. jk.

summer is coming to an end and it really hasn't felt like it has started for me. everything feels so unreal to me. i don't really know how to explain it. i find myself seeming like i have a good time or laughing or something but then i can see myself doing it.. its kind of like a mellow "me" looking at myself in a video.. yeah.. its hard to explain.

i haven't been doing much lately.. just working.. go home and wander and go to taiko house and sit around drink some beers so i can sleep at night. i shouldn't go to the house too much but i do because its kind of lonely/scary sleeping alone at my place.

yesterday i went to dallas for a trip. it was alright..

i find myself wanting something. but i try to avoid it. i try to play it off.. like i dont care.. but i want that same comfort.. and familiarity. the carefree laughter when there's nothing in the back of my head triggering guilt.i try to run away but for some reason it chases me.. and it hits me so hard. what do i really want? or do i stay with what i think i need? i find myself so annoying.. all this bothersome shit. i find myself wanting it so bad.. its so complicated. i dont want to run away from this.. something i want to chase after.. but then there is something i can't let go. i hate myself for being this way.. i'm apologize for my horrible writing. i feel really stupid lately. i just don't know how to express myself correctly. even when i try to share my feelings with someone i can't do it successfully because i can't find myself telling everything. i find myself still holding back on so much no matter how close the person is to me. that's why its just so much easier to keep everything inside.. i think i will keep this inside. until i figure it out. and i will let you know..

you're mean more than you think

21-2=19

nothing happen much lately.. just working at bookstore and stuff.. my birthday was a couple days ago. i didn't really do anything special. i went on a date on saturday and drank very minimal sunday night. its cool, though.. maybe i will get a party next year. i just want to drink with everyone i know

today during work i received a phone call from my dad.. he left a voice msg and i called back. he said my grandmother passed way (maternal) and that my mom will be flying to vietnam tomorrow.. she originally planned to go sept to visit my grandma because she was ill.. i can't say i'm terribly depressed or anything but my eyes felt teary during work and i began to reminisce.. there was a time in my life where my grandparents basically raised my brother and i up.. well there's a lot to remember but i do really miss her and i didn't get to see her again like i told her last summer when i was in vietnam

i can drive a car with no steering wheel.. with no steering wheel

well i got my first ticket today.. i've had citations from OU and cited for parking next to fire hydrant and stuff.. but this my first actual ticket.. like got pulled over. its gay.. cause my license tag thing is almost 5 months overdue or whatever.. the cop said he has the right to tow if its 3 months over but he said i probably need my car for work and school.. so i got till oct 3 to pay $206.50.. bleh

i was suppose to stay in norman tonight but my dad is going to get my new tag and i'll be at my temp job.. norman tomorrow!

i would like to dedicate this post to two of my brothers.. johnny and ti. they're really great people.. lol. they seem like they really care for me.. and make me feel special... yeah

and yeah, my toe nail is fucked permanently i think.. the one that came off and was "regrowing".. well.. today played basketball it bruised and is bleeding..

i'd love to have a a white 3G iphone as a birthday gift.. lol

have nothing.. to gain everything

these are one of the moments i feel so useless in my life. I don't have any classes. I am not working. I am home in Mustang all day, everyday doing nothing. I wish I had a job this summer. I would go on a shopping spree or something. I also don't have a car.. My car is still being "fixed" but I went to a wedding on Saturday and saw my car parked 2 cars away from the car we took to the wedding. The guy that is fixing my car was at the wedding.. he must've drove it to the wedding.. wtf, eh? My mom's car is messed up, it won't start and is just sitting its ass in the garage.. and my parents take the truck to work.

Other things have been occurring in my life that adds the frustration and "piss off" factor into my daily summer routine. It makes me wants to stomp on babies, twist puppies' heads, or just watch the world burn! Good thing BC wasn't around or he would encourage me.. but seriously, I have all this anger and stuff that I wish i was working or in Norman or something so I could get my mind to focus elsewhere.

I decided lately probably 98% of females carry a trait I dislike so much.. not a trait I'm saying would bother me just in a relationship but would bother me as being a friend or just acquainted to the girl.. females talk talk talk and talk when it benefits no one, not even themselves and they don't realize it actually hurts other people in some manner, large or small, and the loop closes. There's really nothing I can do but be angry at myself for trusting any kind of female with any bit of information I find as "secret" or "important" and feel like i can entrust this bit with this "friend" or whatever of mine.

I realized my high school years were what I enjoyed so much. The past few summer were what I loved and adored. They were everything I would want. I honestly would give up my lifestyle now, anything, just to be given that another chance. I would give up drinking for the rest of my life.. I would even commute home to Mustang everyday from Norman. That is how i truly feel.. but don't live in the past.. because the past has forgotten you. The present is sitting with you.. and the future is waiting outside.

first party at Taiko house.. interesting

i had a dream i was preparing for a big soccer game.. and i was wearing a sports bra.

"how many girlfriends have you had, tan?"

well i wish it was zero


waiting to come back to norman.. so i can feel happy

the OABA venue has been bought from OKC basketball team for practice facility.. i can tell ppl i played there.. OKC "thunder".. wtf?

" i told my girl when you fcuk me you better fcuk me good, 'cause if another girl could she gon' fcuk me good"

now let me tell you about an interesting experience.. kevin asked me to go hang out with him at his co-workers hang out thing to grill some food.. because theyre the co-workers that are cool with each other and finally have work off at the same time or whatever.. so kevin decides to make eggrolls at this guys house. so we go buy the stuff. we went to cao nguyen, cafe oasis, then went to target.. i dont think i ever been in a target.. its pretty cool lookin.

so we finally get to this guy's house. and we meet the ppl there... and we start making eggrolls. all those guys get excited and stuff. i was thinking to myself if these suck ass they would probably still think theyre good. turns out everyone liked the eggrolls when the eggrolls kinda sucked. it wasn't bad.. but nto really good.. later more ppl weird.. just weird. what's weird is just i never really hung out with white ppl and its weird the 2 asian ppl are making eggrolls and the other guys are watching a poorly dubbed jet li movie in the living room.

yea there were some girls there for a while.. overall an experience

no.. i'm not constipated Mr. Smart Ass.. but it might be Maybelline

danny said he might come over again this summer.. he's a cool guy. i don't like to tell anyone they're cool because they might get a little full of themselves.. but he's a loyal friend. he's down for anything, anytime man! well, it just feels good he still calls and stuff. sure beats the asses that dont even call just because they think.. lol nvm

this week should be interesting.. especially the weekend. this week is the last week of class and tuesday i only have one class.. i just need to study a bit.. not even that. just do my homework and write a research paper which i could do in 30 min or so.. lol then i'm out.. summer school kinda sucks but not really because it kept me somewhat busy this summer.. no, not really.. because the classes were nothing the only time it took out of me was going to class really..

this weekend.. there will be a rush meeting.. then Phi d carwash.. i don't know if i will be going to that.. i have no car.. and if i do drive my mom's car i dont think i want to drive that far for it.. but i will see.. then there is this date auction thing some ppl from my high school are having at lee's sandwiches for cancer. i might go to that but.. i dont know. i probably shouldnt. then friday night is partayyy! honestly i dont know if i want to go to that either. then theres a wedding saturday i think.. and exactly a month until fall semester begins.. wahoo.. not really.

watching the dark knight for the 2nd time didn't give me that same feeling.. but i still enjoyed it. it's just that 2nd time that i realize the movie was really long.

i think if i were a superhero i think i'd like to be batman. i don't really think i can start from nothing to a something.. i think i would be born into a wealthy family and then inheriting all of the wealth.. i would be already wealthy.. so i could focus on other things.. like revenge.. and technology. i think i would be the alone type. as bruce wayne i couldn't show my true self to the world.. but as batman i could be whatever.. i was born with no spectacular powers.. it'd be nice

after today something really bothers me inside.. something really, really bothering the inside of me. am i upset.. am i sad? am i expecting something..? i notice that i don't really get that angry anymore for those small foolish things.. but something is really bothering me.. and i've got to find out

hey.. why so serious?

well i found out the puppies are probably pitbulls

just got back from retreat.. it was nice hanging out. if only we went clubbing at a place that was cool..

2 more weeks of school...

dude i just got some new puppies.. i think theyre 4 week old labs or something. my mom just picked them up cause someone was giving them away.. i'm not sure how committed my parents are in taking care of these puppies.. they're pretty cute though.. their mom died from a snake bite.. they cry and whimper and stuff.. its so sad.. =(

"will you still love me in the morning? forever and forever babe"

the tragic story of Romeo and Juliet has influenced and inspired the world for centuries and countless have loved it.. but who wants to really live it?

the coffee prince drama was pretty good. its about this girl that is the head of her family and she works a lot to support her mother and younger sister. she works so much she does not care for herself that much and she looks like a guy. she later found a job at this coffee place but did not reveal her gender because they were only hiring males. she fell for her boss and her boss became attracted to her, too but he thought she was a guy. i wonder how that would make me feel.. it would probably drive my crazy. i would question my sexuality and be scarred for life.

i've been having weird dreams lately. the thing is i don't remember my dreams usually. i know my dreams don't really follow a plot or anything. certain people become others at different times. a certain girl may suddenly become another girl (or even a guy?) at a different point in my dream. there is a part of the dream that i vaguely remember, reading a text message and there was a name that came up but i wish i could remember it. i remember i woke up after reading the text message and told myself to remember the name but i forgot. the name isn't a particular person i know but i remember it was interesting. it was a short, and unusual name i have never seen. there may have been an h, an x, m or something.

i miss that feeling when you first fall in love, or infatuation or whatever it is. i don't miss it, but i do remember it is a great feeling.. it feels better than any drunken night, or just.. anything. those nights you would stay up on the phone all night, until like 4 in the morning. there are times you wouldn't even be talking about anything but you're just on the phone, and there is just a certain comfort to it. you would just lay on your bed, with the phone between your ear and your pillow. it kind of hurts but her soft breathing would make any torture feel like pleasure. its so pleasant that some nights you refuse to hang up even if there is obviously nothing to talk about. you both refuse to admit that you are sleepy as hell just so you can stay on a little longer, as if you were afraid the other would call someone else afterwards. there would be times that you would fall asleep while on the phone and you would wake up in the morning and thought it was a dream because it was so nice to be true but you see your phone underneath your pillow and you look at the calls and realize it was real.. you still can't believe it.. and then she calls you to say good morning or might be angry in a cute way.. griping at you why you didn't answer on the phone as she was trying to say goodnight to you. you try to explain to her that you fell asleep accidentally.. you try to explain to her that it wasn't because she was boring, but it was because her soft, beautiful voice had a certain harmonic tone to it that soothes you like a nice lullaby. does this feeling.. only happen once in a lifetime?

i was watching the drama and it said the times that you suffer from heartbreak or "love" will be the greatest times of your life.. you will be older and you will look back into those times and remember. because you are young and full of youth you will recover nonetheless and shouldn't linger around, especially if you realize your situation. i don't understand how people realize and understand their situation and might even say they attempt to do something about it but they just keep letting themself sink in deeper and deeper and just causing more hurt in the future.

i like say(all i need)//one republic.. its pretty cool. i want a mini cooper now. and a VESPA!!

its already july.. in about a month.. things will get interesting!

i've been bored. school sucks.. i've been watching The 1st Shop of Coffee Prince.
its pretty interesting.. kinda makes me want to open a cute coffee shop

hopefully i can go to retreat >.<

okay i finished the drama. its pretty cute.

that strange feeling you never left

well i am back.. aren't you glad?

san antonio is alright.. sea world is pretty overrated in my opinion, or i just went the wrong time with wrong group of ppl? i think it would've been better if we weren't so tired. the riverwalk isn't much since i've been there but it has a nice feeling at night. i think it would've been so much more fun if the fireworks were supposed to go off like it was supposed to. the cafes and restaurants next to the river had a nice feeling like vietnam. the tables were big enough for drinks and people just carried on conversations and stuff.. pretty cool.

we went to corpus christi.. the beach look pretty shitty to me. the weather was getting bad too.. its all rainy and shit. we went to this other beach which was better, or so we heard. its called rockport.. i admit it look really nice. the sand was nice and clean and the water was clear and there were A LOT of ppl there.. but as we paid the 4 dollar to get in and park.. we got off the car it started raining like crazy.. chairs were flying and shiet it look like a hurricane so we headed back to the hotel.

thats pretty much it.. sunday woke up early headed home but stopped by dallas for like half a day. we ate at pho ban.. i had rice cause we had pho the day before at a shitty place in san antonio.. cause apparently there are no asian communities out there.. but anyway i saw a cute girl.. she might be too young for me.. cause i dont think kids my age go eat with their parents.. she might be 15 at youngest.. but pretty cute.. later went shopping for food then galleria.. i wanted to buy some clothes.. but they were expensive so i didnt.. but i did talk my dad into buyin a digital camera!! yea its like a year too late to have one but its a pretty cool camera.. and got some thongs to wear..

now i'm home and it felt like i never left.. dont you get that feeling when you go somewhere

in San Antonio.. our hotel room is pretty nice. we were downtown suppose to watch fireworks.. there were suppose to be fireworks but didnt have it for some reason.. disappointed.

its already been 4 years already.. the 4th of july 4 years ago.. already.. looking forward to retreat.. if i do go.

oh yea, i'm looking for this vietnamese song.. its prob old.. maybe 2 or 3 year old. its sung by a group of girls and one guy i think.. its about the guy and he is in love with 2 girls.. something about old feelings keep him with the girl he is with now but new happiness and hurt want him to be with the new girl or something.. maybe tiep would know but i want to know this song!!

i think i finally understood the meaning of being happy for someone else.. someone that you care about. like for instance, when something good happens to been and its something cool.. i feel happy for him.. speaking of binh.. he's a jackass haha

anyway today i did nothing.. i was supposed to do homework and study but i am doing that now.. procrastination at its finest. i took a nice little nap today and went to the bank. went to otrip to ball for a bit and then mow the freakin lawn. i did enjoy it at the beginning of summer now it kind of sucks ass because i dont have an mp3 player.

well tomorrow i will be heading out! it will be pretty nice to escape from this shitty place.. i cant wait till fall. it will be bad ass.. bad ass!!! i still wish i had a job though. it would make my boring summer go by faster and i would have a lot more money than i have right now.. trying to save up for a motorcycle but most likely a scooter thing

so theres this cute girl in class.. the thing is i found out she is married.

so i just happened to land on xanga and found the Tau Kappa Omega blogring. its interesting going through the guys' blogs.. which are the older guys because only the older guys would have a xanga. i would like to say.. i saw tiep's xanga and i read pretty much every entry.. i think i got tiep figured out from reading his entries. school takes up a good portion of his life.. as long as basketball.. and the occasional girl. school, basketball, and the occasional girl. yep.

i kind of wish i still had my xanga. i deleted 3 years of stuff just because of one day of FURY. i mean, i have a xanga but i only made it for a class assignment. i think i'm going to start reading the guys' xangas to learn more about their lives in the past.. i think i might read tony's next.. or BC.. but preferably someone i don't have the chance to talk to

oh yea and today in class we watched Little Miss Sunshine.. all i gotta say is I liked it. i like the weird humor.. i appreciate humor

forever you my girl, forever be my world, you are the only one

i have this thing when i listen to a song i keep listening to it over and over. i would spend a whole day watching the music video on youtube, i spend the whole night listening to it, i would sing it in the car.. its crazy.

lately I've been into this korean music craze. i can't get over how these korean superstars cool lifestyle. the korean pop culture is so much better than the U.S. they have a way better sense of fashion. they always have all these girls crying and going crazy over them its almost creepy (but i wouldn't mind). i read in this interview how they get really tired of their fans sending them too many gifts and one guy said he wished fans wouldn't look up pictures of his family and post them everywhere..

so next time when you're watching a sad music video or a sad korean drama and feel sorry for the guy, reconsider this: in reality he probably has it really amazing!

anyways.. for the 4th my family will be going to San Antonio. we will be going to sea world or something. it wont be that great of an experience for me since i stopped by san antonio and got the gist of it.

nothing too exciting this summer. i doubt that i will be hired for anything i apply for. hopefully i am going to retreat.. because it was fun last time. and then there are 2 birthdays: thinh's and bj's. and then mine! i'm not excited, really.. but i do know what i would want as a gift. i really want some cool crocs.. the ones with the warm stuff inside so i can wear during cold weather. or some fine cuban cigars. cigars smell nice.

why do people say or think they deserve better, especially relationship-wise, and you still stay with what you have? if you truly believe that you deserve something else, don't you think that you would be having that by now? maybe you are just stuck with shit because you deserve it.. so if you think you "deserve" better.. don't be stuck with the worse.

i really think you should stop calling. its not good for the either of us. you've already chose your answer, your priority, and its not me. you should leave me alone, forget about us, before you get hurt.. and before i hate you.

please leave me alone! i have absolutely nothing that you need, i cannot think of anything that you could want from me. my family and i have nothing to benefit you. your family is the better family, okay? i am not good enough to answer your phone calls.. so please.. call someone else that might want to hear about your lovely day. i am but another person walking on the street.. but another weed in the yard. i am letting you know that it does not make my day better that you call and ask me how i am or what i am doing. i am quite fine without it. you actually make me feel sad that you call.. so i actually feel happy that you don't call. thank you..

i'm nothing without you
i'm nothing with out you, girl

make love//tae yang!

yesterday was nice. hanging out with some brothers. interesting conversations.. just being myself, feeling like myself.. again.

wouldn't it be kind of cool if you chose a music video you liked.. and you could have the experience they are experiencing?

out with the old. in with the new. the memories will be old pictures and notes in a box that I will throw out. and that is all.. the more i talk about you the more special you think you are, the more i do this, the more important you think you are to me. my bedroom is filled with all these memories. the tears, the laughter. the late night calls, the secrets, the arguments. good thing i don't sleep there anymore.

you weren't good enough for me anyways.. consider this me giving you a chance to make yourself better. you don't need to thank me, dear.. you need the upgrade. come around when you think you might meet my standards.

it will be a good time for change!

i dont know what to say anymore. fuck you.. fuck your mom.. fuck this shit. i really don't care anymore. fucking scandalous females..

a lot of things that people do in this world today just do not make sense to me. they need to take some time and slow down, to re-evaluate themselves and situations they are in. they need to realize things that are going on.. the good people with the good intentions, the people that you think that are the better that means the world to you that may hurt you but you just keep falling for deeper and further.

i applied at blockbuster and best buy. i am still jobless. its a curse.

i might be taking a family vacation to.. somewhere.. soon. how.. fun.

i need somewhere to live in the fall. so if you are interested in living with me or know someone that is then give me a holla, yo.

so yesterday i hung out with some friends and we were talking about if they ever seen me angry or snapped or whatever. They reminded me this one time when I was pissed at binh or something and tackled him to the ground. I completely forgot about that but now vaguely remember. it was interesting remembering how that happened.. haha

chocolate-covered nachos.. yummmy

nothing happened much lately. i'm probably not going to get a call back from Academy for a job.. those bastards don't know what they're missing out on. I would be such a great asset to their corporation. sheesh. must continue job hunting so i can save up and buy a scooter.

other than that. went to the asian league thing the other day. i was hoping i was going to get to play. but whaaaaatevverrrrrr. tan's no good for the "asian league".

and I've been starting to go to temple on sundays. its not bad.

so i've been trying to stay in shape lately. my goal is to have this body that i saw on the cover of this men's health magazine but i don't think i'm dedicated enough nor do i have the money to give myself the diet I would need. i think i'm going for this surfer body or maybe soccer player. Just a nice toned/defined figure.

so yesterday kevin and I was planning to go swim at otrip. we worked out for a bit because don't you ever work out then sweat and wish you had a pool to jump into? so i ran for a mile and did some stuff but it was really crowded in the "gym" so we went to go swim but we had to wait for 30 min cause it wasn't open for swimming yet. so kevin and i sat in the locker room alone talking and it was awkward at times because we were half naked and sometimes a person might come in or something. so we finally waited and went to go swim. we felt really weird because kevin wanted me to teach him how to swim and the only people in the pool were little kids learning to swim and all these parents were watching. we felt really awkward so we decided to leave early.. yeah..

also in class we watched this video called "Devil's Playground".. its like a documentary about the Amish's rumspringa.. where the amish teens have an experimental period where they get to be "normal" teens. its pretty crazy. really crazy, actually. if you want to party, go party with the amish!

i just finished this korean drama called "Who Are You?" i like it.. the main girl is cute.. the girls in it are always cute. i want to find a cute girl like that. She has really pretty brown eyes. but i like the story. its real cool, so go watch it on mysoju.com when you have time.

so my parents always be asking who my friends are and want to know who each individual person i hang out with are. they said when they were back in vietnam their parents knew all their friends and their friends' parents and where they lived and even had friends come over for dinner and stuff. why cant they understand its kind of necessary for people over here to know other people outside of where they grew up because thats just how it is. i cant ask every new person i meet to come home with me and take their parents with them so my parents would know. its pretty ridiculous...

yesterday i had class and then worked out with Trung for a while.. he offered to treat me to golden palace but i wasn't hungry at the time.

i went to norman afterwards to hang out with the girls and check out their place. later went over to vicksburg and hung out there. can't say anything but overall a very interesting day...

i like this mv been watching it a lot and the lyrics are pretty cool. wish i had a girl that looked something like that or just to be friends with one. it'd be nice!

why is there a "make a baby" application on facebook? what is the point of making a baby? is it really necessary? is it really... "fun" to you? anyone want to "make a baby" with me?

//edit 11:11 p.m.

so i mowed the lawn today and this crazy weather was approaching. It was actually eerily, mysteriously, beautiful to me. there were some really large dark clouds but you could see clear blue sky and there was a define line. and there was this part in the sky that it looked like the cloud was swalling the sun and the horizon was just.. iono. it was like war of the worlds or like heaven was crashing down and then there was little little rain coming down and it felt cool and relief.

the day that i leave this house and live independently will be a great day of celebration.

don't drink for the wrong reasons!

see you later, LPeso.. thanks for the brotherly experiences.. thanks for your leadership.. thanks for what you have brought us. Thanks for trying to make me stay on track.. thanks for making my basketball shot a lot better.. wish you greater success! we will miss you

I remember a certain question.. placing the following in order with one meaning the most important: school, TKO, friends, hanging out with free time, family.. my answer was family, school, TKO, friends, then spending my free time doing nothing.. its weird that some of those categories began to overlap and mesh..

I kind of miss donning the Taiko uniform.. the red tie.. It's like my superhero suit that I've left in the closet for too long.

who does she think she is?
an innovative genious?
to play with your mind like that
receives your notes but never writes back
to play with your body like that
kiss you 'cause she know you won't fight back
does she have no idea at all?
making you stay up late waiting for her call
tossing and turning, kicking the covers
looking outside the window, through the shutters
hoping she will come by so you can take a glimpse
wishing she would knock on your door
praying she would come in, so you can smell her scent
and ask her, "why did you come for?"
why do you keep on forgiving her unlovingly traits
when she keeps apologizing you for the same mistakes
before her soft lips even speak it
you can read her mind that she doesn't mean it
as she holds you and cries softly on your shoulders
you know years ago it should've been over
your heart was young and wanted to give it to her
then it became a lost ship in a misty sorrow
she has consumed and occupied what was pure
she didn't want to keep it, but just wanted to borrow
you still yearn to hold her for some reason
if you let go, your heart would call it treason
the smell of her hair brings back every treasured memory
from long summer nights to toasty winter mornings
then you shut the door, shut the door
and tell yourself think no more, feel no more
close the blinds, she doesn't come by anymore
because she doesn't love you like she did before
so go through your parents bar and drink some liquor
drink until you are sober to realize you're not with her
go outside and light up a cigarette and darken your lungs
to burn the poison and convince yourself she's not the one
then go back to bed and get under the covers and weep
the memories of her will wash away with the current of your tears
and you will begin to sleep..

"What is my job on the planet? What is it that needs doing, that I know something about, that probably won't happen unless I take responsibility for it?"

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've been reading this book.. called 26 LESSONS FROM VINCE LOMBARDI to better myself.. its about leadership and taking up role.. Lolita is next on my list.

Did you know construction workers make $30+ in Washington (state)? Their cost of living is higher.. but still.. interesting.

i played soccer.. or "futbol" today. Have you ever seen a goalkeeper smoke a cigarette as he was playing and actually blocked goals..?. interesting.

hmm.. life.. the waters are calm now.. waters are always calm before the storm.

sometimes.. I feel like I have this great intuition.. the thing is, it is a lot more advanced than a woman's intuition.. it is like my freakin' sixth sense. Like instead of reading people's minds.. I read what they are feeling inside.. its weird.

i think high school boy/girl relationships are pointless.. they really are just puppy love stuff. I think it is because you're in high school and you don't really worry about stuff yet or things just haven't hit yet. You haven't really thought about like.. "man i gotta work and pay that rent".. or "damn, how am i going to pay for this semester's tuition". You don't think of like starting a family yet when you're in high school, because its.. high school. So everything is just carefree "emotions" and strong "feelings" or just evolving hormones.. but once you get to college.. or within college reach.. or you're in the workforce.. it is different and you have "life" to consider instead of just giving out your feelings to that person all the time. You have to worry what you're going to do to get an education for your future so that you may support your real love in the future.

I guess there are points for everyone in their lives they experience the first heartbreak.. probably usually high school or near there. They will run into some kind of change in the environment they have been used to. Maybe one of them will go on to college and one will still be in high school, or both are in different colleges, or both are in the same college but they just have differences socially or academically. I remember Tiep saying if a girl is the real caring type for you, she will keep on caring for you even if she is put in a different environment and her style of living is totally changed, as we were having coffee the other day. I think this is true in a way, but if it is true, then the girl I have thought that cared for me, is not in fact the caring type.

have you ever been in a situation you were like... "man i wish I could redo this decision.." or "if I could, I would so do it differently..." and then you have these de ja vu situations.. where you're like.. "wow, it felt like I just went through that already.." and then you think.. "hmm.. maybe this de ja vu thing.. maybe I did wish for another chance to redo a decision.. but then i was brought back in time and made the same decision or choice.."

I think after college and everything.. I would want a job out of state.. in a big city somewhere. I want to move out of Oklahoma. I feel like I need to escape this place. There are many faces that I have met and made good relations with but I don't think I can stand this place... not right now, at least. I mean, Oklahoma is a great place to have a family and raise children and stuff but when I am single and in the workforce, I want to explore the world, and conquer it in a way just like any man would.

hmm.. I'm still trying to grow my hair back... the ladies like me with hair.. so you know ;). yeah.. i just want hair now.. sky diving is over and i don't think i'm doing anything very memorable soon so don't need to shave my hair.. but as of now.. i have a 'fro thing..

sometimes when you think you are trying to not hurt me by not being honest.. even when I know it.. it is upsets me many times more later..

LET IT GO, MAN

i think it was a bad decision staying home.. there's absolutely a lot of time wasting and sitting around. I try to stay sane by going out and playing basketball or soccer. I am kind of waiting for class to begin and hoping I get the Academy's job so I will be productive.

I think I have a lot of patience with things.. but I just don't fucking appreciate it when you say "fuck you" and verbally abuse me all the fucking time, especially for no fucking reason. Be considerate for once. Some people have feelings, too.

I don't know how much a person could have such an effect on another person that they pretty much pave the path for the other person. A lot of the things that a person can do for another goes unnoticed or just unappreciated.

How do I get accused of a sin that I did not do and all I do is mostly live for you? How does a person change so much in a single school year..? Actually, it didn't even take a whole school year.

Ah, yes I do feel guilty at times, but now i feel like i shouldn't. I don't really feel guilt for something or someone I shouldn't care about. I don't like putting out more than the other person likes to put out, therefore I keep to myself a lot.

I don't care if you go to your stupid school. I don't care if you go out of state. I don't care if you have new friends and they're super smart and cool and are bound to be more successful than me. I don't care if he's been there for you for the school year. Obviously you don't care I've been there for you all these years. I don't care if he's your new best friend. I don't care that your parents don't like me... Hey, I don't care. Goodbye..

I am going through so much right now. I am struggling just to go to freaking summer school at OCCC. I was happy at least I got to be home and maybe spend some time with you but it is fine. I really need that financial aid to come in for next fall so I can stay in Norman. This Mustang place is just a place I could so easily let go.

I am going through a lot of family difficulties, also. These are the reason I stay up tossing and turning. I have so much to live for but yet I am producing no results. I am letting people down. I slip from the road I am supposed to follow because something distracted me, something I thought was important to me.

When will I actually get a good sleep at night? I've done a great job of not turning to alcohol or smoking. I was glad I was sick so I had an excuse to stay up all night and drinking Robitussin and I thought it would make me at least drowsy but it doesn't.

As far for what I am to do now I will just go to school and try to work to keep myself busy. I will start going to temple on Sundays now. If any brothers are out there reading this, please call me up and ask me to hang out. I am in desperate need of company. All I need is a meal to spend with you. All I need is to see your face for a few minutes. Hell, all I need is to hear your voice.

Wish me luck.. I feel like it is a crucial time to start over on things or else I will fall too far behind. Anyways, I feel like there are too many people that read this and now that my entries get too personal. I didn't want to sound "emo". I just really have a lot of frustration and confusion and stuff.. I don't think I will be doing this blog thing anymore. I hate this.. I hate this..

just had a great dinner today. home alone having a good steak and a corona.. watching television.. nice. I'm glad Ross and Rachel from FRIENDS ended up together. They're one of my favorite fictional couples.

edit//

Watching the Founders' Day slideshow always puts a smile on my face.. sigh. I miss you guys.

It is really hard to sleep at night for some reason.. First, i hate being sick. I wish I could sleep my summer away. For once, i want to go back to school. Second, staying up tossing and turning with nothing to do.. sucks. I like the night, but being at home alone is just cruel.

Tan NGO muon di nhau voi anh em TKO.. uong nhieu bia.. uong nhieu ruou.. di hut thuoc.. di choi voi nhieu con gai.. T.T quen mot nguoi.. o nha Mustang.. Tan muon dien khung..! o nha chi coi Facebook.. khong co lam gi nua het.. KHONG MUON SUY NGHI VE CON GAI!! Tan Ngo ghet con gai lam.. Tan Ngo can mot nguoi ban de lam tinh.. lol i mean tam su.. chia se. sigh. Anh Tan nho em lam.. <3 I am so bored. I am so pathetic. Gotta let it go

hmm.. today woke up.. had a big argument with my dad on the phone.. i could've avoided but whatever. i think it may be the first time i spoke my mind. he always thinks he's right.. oh well.

today i went to go pick up some tires then went to firestone so they could put them on.. it was only 2 new tires to put on the back and i got my alignment fixed.. so wahoo. although I did wait for 3 or 4 hours at the place.. they said it would only take an hour or 2.

as I was waiting I watched what was on the news. some interesting stuff but then they kept airing it over and over.. there was thing how rachel ray on the dunkin donuts ad is offensive because she wore this scarf that resembled a terrorist scarf thing.. dumb

there was this thing on this man that has very large tumors on his face. it was like half of his face was hanging down to his chest or something. He was a cashier at a grocery store. I was kind of touched by it because people say he has this great attitude at work and makes customers smile and stuff. thats cool because no matter what you look like you just have to be happy with yourself, so don't expect people to like you if you dislike yourself!

another thing that was probably the biggest issue were these kids that were taken away from their parents, from a polygamy ranch in Texas. the issue was that the federal court in texas ruled to return the children to the parents but then there were a 100 kids that they didn't know who the kids belonged to even though they had DNA tests and stuff.. and this sect leader had pictures kissing a 12 year old girl.. yeah

besides that i just read some sports magazines.. afterwards went to play soccer at this park with vinh, quang, and a lot of mexican people.. i'm still sick so i was coughing and stuff. those people are really friendly, though. I might make this soccer thing a regular thing for the rest of the summer... welll thats it for now

Today i went to norman.. turned in financial aid stuff.. i saw hieu's car at the union.. drove to charlie's.

charlie, binh, T.ha, Ti, and julie were there.. we just hung around and did nothing.. it was great..

they noticed i lost weight and looked skinnier

someone asks charlie.. "what are you cooking?".. charlie answers "chicken". i thought that was funny.. it's always chicken.

thanks for the "helix remix".. a very thoughtful gift indeed.. very sweet. literally.

we ate some and they played poker.. i headed home.. watch seinfeld.

life is dull

he will make you silky smooth..

i'm still listening to that Drive My Soul song by LIGHTS.. I will get tired of it eventually.

Today.. I went to OCCC. I saw Nhi. Went to eat at BWW with Kevin, Binh, T. Ha, Tammy, Li2z, and Emilio. I picked up my car, although its not totally fixed. I can't wait till i get new tires and the alignment fixed. So later I just stayed home and then cleaned up for a little bit then I got a phone call from Ti. YES, free showings of Don't Mess with the Zohan. I got the privilege to take someone with me. I decided to take my brother. The theatre was crowded. The movie was pretty funny.. but very perverted.. I think i will try to grow out my hair this summer. Thanks a lot Ti and Julie!

This day is one of those days I imagine summer would be, but all the time. Like i would be so busy with fun stuff to do. Lunch with friends, movie, or swimming, and stuff. Oh well.. to Norman tomorrow!

damn, tiep left me hanging again.. I'll never call you up anymore!!!

DRIVE MY SOUL by Lights..

its a cool song.

have you ever wondered what true love really is, despite how wonderful your life is with your significant other? is it the feeling of the moment, when you are with that someone, and you don't even have to be in each other's arms, but it just feels perfect like the world exists for you at that very moment? Is love the caring for the other even when you know you will not get in return? Those long nights that you have staying up wondering how the other person is doing. Your mind wanders and worry about that other person, forgetting your own well-being. You may even have sacrificed many things for this person without this person knowing and/or appreciating but you never cared or asked for anything in return but for that person to know that you even exist.

Can love really conquer all? Will your status in society really mean nothing when it comes to love? Will you disobey your parents to be with the one you believe you love? Let's say Ethan is a regular man that has graduated from a high school from Smallville from the top of his graduating class. Keep in mind he attended a regular high school to attend a grand, fabulous University. His grades are not great, but actually inches from horrible. Some may have say he had fucked up. But in the midst of it all, he has found the motivation to work for the grades he knows he deserves. This motivation he found from his family, and maybe the biggest, his "love" Valerie. They went to high school together but she is two grades younger. She left Smallville to go to a boarding school of high honor.

Valerie goes to this school and suffers from the lack of freedom and vigorous classes and studying. Valerie has met new friends and become close with a lot of boys and goes to prom with one of the boys but didn't tell Ethan until Ethan finds out. Of course, there relationship has been rocky from the beginning but for some reason there is something holding them together. Ethan, a good, honest man with principles has never laid a finger on another girl besides Valerie thinks of her all the time, wondering how she is doing in a strange school with strangers. Valerie's mom knows of this relationship but encourages Valerie to forget Ethan and move on to someone more fitting, because Ethan is known to be a slacker.

What is this bond really from Ethan and Valerie? Is it love? Realistically, it is a bond formed over many courses of experiences together and just spending time together and sharing so much between the two. If there was love in this situation they would somehow overcome these obstacles and just care for the well-being of each other, it would work out and be so simple. There is a theory that if every single human on this planet wanted to do a single something, they could do it. That would mean if any two people put effort into one thing, their relationship, they could do anything. This effort could possibly be called love?

I've always wondered.. How do people move on from their first, real, deep relationship? It must be really hard because the people still stuck in it don't realize there must be something better out there. They're just there, being hurt, and keep on hoping that somehow this precious relationship will mend itself and everything will be the same. Of course, this isn't going to happen if only one person wants it to work. First loves staying together is definitely possible, of course..

I find females are the greatest evils of all evil. The media portrays men as assholes of the world, which i have to agree sometimes but not even half the time. I think women are so scandalous and manipulative. They are born that way so they can survive within their own kind, in my opinion. There's always gossip, cheating, and lies. Women tend to tear brotherhood apart and eat them alive. Just kidding.. but I think women are a lot worse than men in what I've seen. The smart ones are scandalous and manipulative, anyways. I think usually when "boys" first tend to "love" they don't have much experience so they tend to hurt the "girl". After experience these "boys" grow up to be "men" and meet other "girls" that have grown up to be "women". By this time these "women" have grown some self-defense mechanism of hurt!

So how do you let a girl know that what you feel towards her is very sincere, even when you try to let her know it over and over again? I wonder if there are any books that show how a female thinks..

its very weird seeing people that were together not together but they should be together because sometimes... you're just wasting time and hurting yourself in between!

anyways..

My life hasn't changed much.. I'm still ill.. sick with it.. you know what i mean. yeah.. today i bought some robitussin to see if it helps.

Yesterday I mowed the lawn. it was pretty nice to be productive or something. It felt kinda breezy outside. I like mowing the lawn listening while listening to the radio or just music.. its really chill. Mowing the lawn is my favorite chore if there is one. So it took me about 3 hours then i played some basketball. showered. went to liz's house but she wasn't even there. just hung out with don and paulinna then she went home then hung out with don and tammy. we just played facebook games and watched videos on youtube.. i decided to go home.. took them home. actually just tammy because don wanted to run home. I went home.. I was confronted for something.. grr. I pretty much did an all nighter. I hate when people do stuff to me that makes me stay up all night.

Today I just did nothing. went to vinhs sisters (my cousin) birthday at golden palace. Yes, they had crawfish.. it wasn't fresh, though. yea then went home.. went to wal mart.. buy the robitussin and some oj. stayin home tomorrow. doing nothing. tuesday i will run some errands.. cross fingers... i miss the padre days..

all I wanted was to be yours..

iF i won the Lotto.. I would be your everything you wanted.

pretty shitty summer.. so something came up. I don't think I can take summer classes.. which means i won't live in norman.. which means.. i won't be able to work..

well, I've been sick with the flu lately. It is a shitty feeling.

I've been in bed watching korean movies and stuff. I came across this Japanese drama called 'Absolute Boyfriend'. So what the thing is that there is this company that makes robots. They came up with this thing where they create the ideal boyfriend.

So this ideal boyfriend thing.. how does it work? The girl takes this thing on a computer.. kinda like a quiz or multiple choice test but its questions like "How do you like your ideal boyfriend's body to be?" and it'll be like "A. skinny B. muscular C. fat D. model" and other questions like how you like would you like the ideal boyfriend to be not jealous at all, a little jealous, or really jealous... and sexual preference questions and stuff.

I thought it was pretty interesting but then thinking about it, it is pretty creepy. actually.. really creepy. This ideal bf was shipped to this girls house in a box. To activate him she had to kiss him. That isn't that creepy but its just creepy with other stuff if you think about it.

anyways.. there are plenty of perfect men out there.. if there is anything the world needs it is an ideal woman.. bah!

i guess for fun i will create my ideal girlfriend.. RIGHT nOW!! woo

let's start off physically..

she would be an asian girl.. a nice asian girl. a nice vietnamese asian girl. I would like her to be shorter than me, of course. I think about 5'2".. I think. Short enough when she wears heels she is still shorter than me a good amount, you know? hmm.. alright.. she has to have nice skin.. usually asian girls have nice skin. If skin is important to a girl, it is to me! I like healthy, clear, glowing skin. I don't like pale though.. there's a difference.

i also like cute hands, fingers, feet, toes, and nice legs. it sounds creepy but I don't like girls with hairy toes or dry hands. A girl that can wear flip flops and a short skirt showing off her pretty feet and gorgeous legs is a plus! oh yeah, legs have to be proportional to the girl's body.

hmm in general her body is in good shape.. she can be about 105 to 113 lbs... it seems kinda heavy but i don't like skinny girls that show ribs and stuff. generally girls too skinny will show bony hands and fingers which is unattractive to me.. i don't want a fragile girlfriend..

hmm.. chest and booty wise.. I go for proportional. I don't really like big-breasted females.. I like them big enough you know it is a female and that it serves its purpose.. the rear end.. just proportional and complements the nice legs and healthy thighs! but remember, I am big on proportion!!

I guess her face now.. I don't really know how to describe an ideal face.. i guess its just something you decide if you like or not.. but i like eyes that are the right size.. not too small.. not too big like dolls which make them creepy.. i like small, cute noses so when she squints it is really cute. She should have some cheeks.. not huge.. just some. What i'm trying to say is a girl with a cute pretty face.

now for personality wise.. I like the more conservative girl. She is conservative but there are times she yearns to break the rules. She is the girl that works hard and knows what is important and is family oriented. She is the girl that can adore male celebrities but doesn't really like guys until she thinks he is the one. She is conservative but she knows how to have fun with a lot of friends (in ethical ways)!

I would like her to be smart.. she doesn't have to be smart smart.. just not stupid and try really hard. she can be a ditz at times and I would remind her things or explain to her about things. She is educated so we can have stimulating and intellectual conversations even though she is not a genioius but we can carry on an interesting conversation over coffee.. This girl would be really sweet and caring.. the kind you abuse and neglect at first you realize that she was the one good thing in your life.

This girl would have to be down to earth.. she's got to be real.. none of those fake crap. This girl wouldn't care what her parents think even if her bf was a bad boy.. oo.. This ideal girl would appreciate crocs but don't like the way they look.. because she does have a good sense of fashion but is also practical. She appreciates fashion and knows it but she doesn't dress her potential all the time. She dress conservatively on a normal basis and knows how to impress her man. simple black eyeliner here and then is more than enough for me! but when there are those special occasions like TKO founders' day or my birthday, make up is much appreciated with the less conservative outfit, if you know what i mean ;0)

She would like to play video games.. like guitar hero.. try wow.. she don't have to like it.. play a lil sports once in a while, maybe go running with me. sometimes i like a girl that get on me for being crazy. for example, if I drink she will on my ass and hitting me and stuff but when i throw up or have a hangover she will be there taking care of me. I prefer she doesn't drink herself..I like having soup when i'm sick and stuff. When I'm cleaning my room she comes over and helps me clean because she likes to and it's just more fun that way.

Hmm. that's all for now I think.. i don't think that is too much to ask for, do you? please don't feel offended or anything.. it is only an ideal girl, after all.. hope you enjoyed the entry.. comment or reply so I know there is someone out there doing nothing but on the computer like I am.. feel free to create your ideal bf or gf.. i'd be interested in reading that. Happy Summertime!