forever you my girl, forever be my world, you are the only one

i have this thing when i listen to a song i keep listening to it over and over. i would spend a whole day watching the music video on youtube, i spend the whole night listening to it, i would sing it in the car.. its crazy.

lately I've been into this korean music craze. i can't get over how these korean superstars cool lifestyle. the korean pop culture is so much better than the U.S. they have a way better sense of fashion. they always have all these girls crying and going crazy over them its almost creepy (but i wouldn't mind). i read in this interview how they get really tired of their fans sending them too many gifts and one guy said he wished fans wouldn't look up pictures of his family and post them everywhere..

so next time when you're watching a sad music video or a sad korean drama and feel sorry for the guy, reconsider this: in reality he probably has it really amazing!

anyways.. for the 4th my family will be going to San Antonio. we will be going to sea world or something. it wont be that great of an experience for me since i stopped by san antonio and got the gist of it.

nothing too exciting this summer. i doubt that i will be hired for anything i apply for. hopefully i am going to retreat.. because it was fun last time. and then there are 2 birthdays: thinh's and bj's. and then mine! i'm not excited, really.. but i do know what i would want as a gift. i really want some cool crocs.. the ones with the warm stuff inside so i can wear during cold weather. or some fine cuban cigars. cigars smell nice.

why do people say or think they deserve better, especially relationship-wise, and you still stay with what you have? if you truly believe that you deserve something else, don't you think that you would be having that by now? maybe you are just stuck with shit because you deserve it.. so if you think you "deserve" better.. don't be stuck with the worse.

i really think you should stop calling. its not good for the either of us. you've already chose your answer, your priority, and its not me. you should leave me alone, forget about us, before you get hurt.. and before i hate you.

please leave me alone! i have absolutely nothing that you need, i cannot think of anything that you could want from me. my family and i have nothing to benefit you. your family is the better family, okay? i am not good enough to answer your phone calls.. so please.. call someone else that might want to hear about your lovely day. i am but another person walking on the street.. but another weed in the yard. i am letting you know that it does not make my day better that you call and ask me how i am or what i am doing. i am quite fine without it. you actually make me feel sad that you call.. so i actually feel happy that you don't call. thank you..

i'm nothing without you
i'm nothing with out you, girl

make love//tae yang!

yesterday was nice. hanging out with some brothers. interesting conversations.. just being myself, feeling like myself.. again.

wouldn't it be kind of cool if you chose a music video you liked.. and you could have the experience they are experiencing?

out with the old. in with the new. the memories will be old pictures and notes in a box that I will throw out. and that is all.. the more i talk about you the more special you think you are, the more i do this, the more important you think you are to me. my bedroom is filled with all these memories. the tears, the laughter. the late night calls, the secrets, the arguments. good thing i don't sleep there anymore.

you weren't good enough for me anyways.. consider this me giving you a chance to make yourself better. you don't need to thank me, dear.. you need the upgrade. come around when you think you might meet my standards.

it will be a good time for change!

i dont know what to say anymore. fuck you.. fuck your mom.. fuck this shit. i really don't care anymore. fucking scandalous females..

a lot of things that people do in this world today just do not make sense to me. they need to take some time and slow down, to re-evaluate themselves and situations they are in. they need to realize things that are going on.. the good people with the good intentions, the people that you think that are the better that means the world to you that may hurt you but you just keep falling for deeper and further.

i applied at blockbuster and best buy. i am still jobless. its a curse.

i might be taking a family vacation to.. somewhere.. soon. how.. fun.

i need somewhere to live in the fall. so if you are interested in living with me or know someone that is then give me a holla, yo.

so yesterday i hung out with some friends and we were talking about if they ever seen me angry or snapped or whatever. They reminded me this one time when I was pissed at binh or something and tackled him to the ground. I completely forgot about that but now vaguely remember. it was interesting remembering how that happened.. haha

chocolate-covered nachos.. yummmy

nothing happened much lately. i'm probably not going to get a call back from Academy for a job.. those bastards don't know what they're missing out on. I would be such a great asset to their corporation. sheesh. must continue job hunting so i can save up and buy a scooter.

other than that. went to the asian league thing the other day. i was hoping i was going to get to play. but whaaaaatevverrrrrr. tan's no good for the "asian league".

and I've been starting to go to temple on sundays. its not bad.

so i've been trying to stay in shape lately. my goal is to have this body that i saw on the cover of this men's health magazine but i don't think i'm dedicated enough nor do i have the money to give myself the diet I would need. i think i'm going for this surfer body or maybe soccer player. Just a nice toned/defined figure.

so yesterday kevin and I was planning to go swim at otrip. we worked out for a bit because don't you ever work out then sweat and wish you had a pool to jump into? so i ran for a mile and did some stuff but it was really crowded in the "gym" so we went to go swim but we had to wait for 30 min cause it wasn't open for swimming yet. so kevin and i sat in the locker room alone talking and it was awkward at times because we were half naked and sometimes a person might come in or something. so we finally waited and went to go swim. we felt really weird because kevin wanted me to teach him how to swim and the only people in the pool were little kids learning to swim and all these parents were watching. we felt really awkward so we decided to leave early.. yeah..

also in class we watched this video called "Devil's Playground".. its like a documentary about the Amish's rumspringa.. where the amish teens have an experimental period where they get to be "normal" teens. its pretty crazy. really crazy, actually. if you want to party, go party with the amish!

i just finished this korean drama called "Who Are You?" i like it.. the main girl is cute.. the girls in it are always cute. i want to find a cute girl like that. She has really pretty brown eyes. but i like the story. its real cool, so go watch it on mysoju.com when you have time.

so my parents always be asking who my friends are and want to know who each individual person i hang out with are. they said when they were back in vietnam their parents knew all their friends and their friends' parents and where they lived and even had friends come over for dinner and stuff. why cant they understand its kind of necessary for people over here to know other people outside of where they grew up because thats just how it is. i cant ask every new person i meet to come home with me and take their parents with them so my parents would know. its pretty ridiculous...

yesterday i had class and then worked out with Trung for a while.. he offered to treat me to golden palace but i wasn't hungry at the time.

i went to norman afterwards to hang out with the girls and check out their place. later went over to vicksburg and hung out there. can't say anything but overall a very interesting day...

i like this mv been watching it a lot and the lyrics are pretty cool. wish i had a girl that looked something like that or just to be friends with one. it'd be nice!

why is there a "make a baby" application on facebook? what is the point of making a baby? is it really necessary? is it really... "fun" to you? anyone want to "make a baby" with me?

//edit 11:11 p.m.

so i mowed the lawn today and this crazy weather was approaching. It was actually eerily, mysteriously, beautiful to me. there were some really large dark clouds but you could see clear blue sky and there was a define line. and there was this part in the sky that it looked like the cloud was swalling the sun and the horizon was just.. iono. it was like war of the worlds or like heaven was crashing down and then there was little little rain coming down and it felt cool and relief.

the day that i leave this house and live independently will be a great day of celebration.

don't drink for the wrong reasons!

see you later, LPeso.. thanks for the brotherly experiences.. thanks for your leadership.. thanks for what you have brought us. Thanks for trying to make me stay on track.. thanks for making my basketball shot a lot better.. wish you greater success! we will miss you

I remember a certain question.. placing the following in order with one meaning the most important: school, TKO, friends, hanging out with free time, family.. my answer was family, school, TKO, friends, then spending my free time doing nothing.. its weird that some of those categories began to overlap and mesh..

I kind of miss donning the Taiko uniform.. the red tie.. It's like my superhero suit that I've left in the closet for too long.

who does she think she is?
an innovative genious?
to play with your mind like that
receives your notes but never writes back
to play with your body like that
kiss you 'cause she know you won't fight back
does she have no idea at all?
making you stay up late waiting for her call
tossing and turning, kicking the covers
looking outside the window, through the shutters
hoping she will come by so you can take a glimpse
wishing she would knock on your door
praying she would come in, so you can smell her scent
and ask her, "why did you come for?"
why do you keep on forgiving her unlovingly traits
when she keeps apologizing you for the same mistakes
before her soft lips even speak it
you can read her mind that she doesn't mean it
as she holds you and cries softly on your shoulders
you know years ago it should've been over
your heart was young and wanted to give it to her
then it became a lost ship in a misty sorrow
she has consumed and occupied what was pure
she didn't want to keep it, but just wanted to borrow
you still yearn to hold her for some reason
if you let go, your heart would call it treason
the smell of her hair brings back every treasured memory
from long summer nights to toasty winter mornings
then you shut the door, shut the door
and tell yourself think no more, feel no more
close the blinds, she doesn't come by anymore
because she doesn't love you like she did before
so go through your parents bar and drink some liquor
drink until you are sober to realize you're not with her
go outside and light up a cigarette and darken your lungs
to burn the poison and convince yourself she's not the one
then go back to bed and get under the covers and weep
the memories of her will wash away with the current of your tears
and you will begin to sleep..

"What is my job on the planet? What is it that needs doing, that I know something about, that probably won't happen unless I take responsibility for it?"

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've been reading this book.. called 26 LESSONS FROM VINCE LOMBARDI to better myself.. its about leadership and taking up role.. Lolita is next on my list.

Did you know construction workers make $30+ in Washington (state)? Their cost of living is higher.. but still.. interesting.

i played soccer.. or "futbol" today. Have you ever seen a goalkeeper smoke a cigarette as he was playing and actually blocked goals..?. interesting.

hmm.. life.. the waters are calm now.. waters are always calm before the storm.

sometimes.. I feel like I have this great intuition.. the thing is, it is a lot more advanced than a woman's intuition.. it is like my freakin' sixth sense. Like instead of reading people's minds.. I read what they are feeling inside.. its weird.

i think high school boy/girl relationships are pointless.. they really are just puppy love stuff. I think it is because you're in high school and you don't really worry about stuff yet or things just haven't hit yet. You haven't really thought about like.. "man i gotta work and pay that rent".. or "damn, how am i going to pay for this semester's tuition". You don't think of like starting a family yet when you're in high school, because its.. high school. So everything is just carefree "emotions" and strong "feelings" or just evolving hormones.. but once you get to college.. or within college reach.. or you're in the workforce.. it is different and you have "life" to consider instead of just giving out your feelings to that person all the time. You have to worry what you're going to do to get an education for your future so that you may support your real love in the future.

I guess there are points for everyone in their lives they experience the first heartbreak.. probably usually high school or near there. They will run into some kind of change in the environment they have been used to. Maybe one of them will go on to college and one will still be in high school, or both are in different colleges, or both are in the same college but they just have differences socially or academically. I remember Tiep saying if a girl is the real caring type for you, she will keep on caring for you even if she is put in a different environment and her style of living is totally changed, as we were having coffee the other day. I think this is true in a way, but if it is true, then the girl I have thought that cared for me, is not in fact the caring type.

have you ever been in a situation you were like... "man i wish I could redo this decision.." or "if I could, I would so do it differently..." and then you have these de ja vu situations.. where you're like.. "wow, it felt like I just went through that already.." and then you think.. "hmm.. maybe this de ja vu thing.. maybe I did wish for another chance to redo a decision.. but then i was brought back in time and made the same decision or choice.."

I think after college and everything.. I would want a job out of state.. in a big city somewhere. I want to move out of Oklahoma. I feel like I need to escape this place. There are many faces that I have met and made good relations with but I don't think I can stand this place... not right now, at least. I mean, Oklahoma is a great place to have a family and raise children and stuff but when I am single and in the workforce, I want to explore the world, and conquer it in a way just like any man would.

hmm.. I'm still trying to grow my hair back... the ladies like me with hair.. so you know ;). yeah.. i just want hair now.. sky diving is over and i don't think i'm doing anything very memorable soon so don't need to shave my hair.. but as of now.. i have a 'fro thing..

sometimes when you think you are trying to not hurt me by not being honest.. even when I know it.. it is upsets me many times more later..

LET IT GO, MAN

i think it was a bad decision staying home.. there's absolutely a lot of time wasting and sitting around. I try to stay sane by going out and playing basketball or soccer. I am kind of waiting for class to begin and hoping I get the Academy's job so I will be productive.

I think I have a lot of patience with things.. but I just don't fucking appreciate it when you say "fuck you" and verbally abuse me all the fucking time, especially for no fucking reason. Be considerate for once. Some people have feelings, too.

I don't know how much a person could have such an effect on another person that they pretty much pave the path for the other person. A lot of the things that a person can do for another goes unnoticed or just unappreciated.

How do I get accused of a sin that I did not do and all I do is mostly live for you? How does a person change so much in a single school year..? Actually, it didn't even take a whole school year.

Ah, yes I do feel guilty at times, but now i feel like i shouldn't. I don't really feel guilt for something or someone I shouldn't care about. I don't like putting out more than the other person likes to put out, therefore I keep to myself a lot.

I don't care if you go to your stupid school. I don't care if you go out of state. I don't care if you have new friends and they're super smart and cool and are bound to be more successful than me. I don't care if he's been there for you for the school year. Obviously you don't care I've been there for you all these years. I don't care if he's your new best friend. I don't care that your parents don't like me... Hey, I don't care. Goodbye..

I am going through so much right now. I am struggling just to go to freaking summer school at OCCC. I was happy at least I got to be home and maybe spend some time with you but it is fine. I really need that financial aid to come in for next fall so I can stay in Norman. This Mustang place is just a place I could so easily let go.

I am going through a lot of family difficulties, also. These are the reason I stay up tossing and turning. I have so much to live for but yet I am producing no results. I am letting people down. I slip from the road I am supposed to follow because something distracted me, something I thought was important to me.

When will I actually get a good sleep at night? I've done a great job of not turning to alcohol or smoking. I was glad I was sick so I had an excuse to stay up all night and drinking Robitussin and I thought it would make me at least drowsy but it doesn't.

As far for what I am to do now I will just go to school and try to work to keep myself busy. I will start going to temple on Sundays now. If any brothers are out there reading this, please call me up and ask me to hang out. I am in desperate need of company. All I need is a meal to spend with you. All I need is to see your face for a few minutes. Hell, all I need is to hear your voice.

Wish me luck.. I feel like it is a crucial time to start over on things or else I will fall too far behind. Anyways, I feel like there are too many people that read this and now that my entries get too personal. I didn't want to sound "emo". I just really have a lot of frustration and confusion and stuff.. I don't think I will be doing this blog thing anymore. I hate this.. I hate this..