i am now home.. recovering from my hangover.
so yesterday was a busy day.
i woke up late and went to christmas headstart.
paulinna came to norman to visit me and we went out to lunch and just hung out. :)
after that, i went to help prepare for the TKO/PHI D thanksgiving dinner.
dinner began at 7. it was great seeing old faces and then there were new faces. it was really nice. there was a lot of food and it was good! afterwards we went to the taiko house to hang out and drink/party. the mu class of phi d recently crossed so we were celebrating that, too.
so congratulations phi delta alpha's mu class! i love cing! even though she tricks me and makes me look stupid.
i got pretty drunk that night and then i tried taking care of cing but at some point in the night i was throwing up and she took care of me. it was nice. its pretty cool seeing the mu class drinking, because i know they've been waiting. at least i know cing was.
there are things that i remember, that makes me wonder. just maybe little things. perhaps. but when i'm drunk there are certain things that my sensitivity increases and i think about it and i cant stop thinking about it.

i want to show you i care, because i really do. i know your defenses are up. you don't have to tear your wall down for me, just at least answer the door when i knock. i really care and i just want to be by your side.

i know there are many times i should feel really happy, but why do i always feel hurt inside.

hmm.. i've been slacking too much lately.. too much.
DEPsi party was friday. i had a pretty goooooood buzz..
OU vs TX Tech.. it was really cold, but we dominated.
umm.. cant wait til thanksgiving break..!

i live ina really, really cold place. once i get somewhat warm in my bed. i don't want to leave. this place is cold, dark, and lonely!!!!
i'm going to make a wishlist of what i want.. just for fun.

clothes, like northface apparel, this gap jacket, this a&f jacket and/or coat.. hmm maybe some stuff from american eagle.. like the sweater thing and the knitted hat thing, OU apparel. some clothes from express.. i'm picky with clothes though.. games for ps3.. shoes, NBA socks! preferably in cool colors, more winter apparel.. maybe a water pik haha, hmm a new phone would be nice.. you can buy me alcohol.. itd be nice too. i like accessories.. maybe some nice cologne, i kinda need a new backpack, maybe northface.. maybe, oh i like skateboard too


i'll add more as i think of more..

and no, i don't want to feel this way. i just can't really help it.. but i keep diving myself into it. i was feeling confused and lost but now that i've realized it, i will stop. i will stop putting myself in this situation. i don't want to deal with you anymore, and you dont even know it, but its really that hard.

i guess we're not that close afterall

but i find myself missing you
tossing and turning at night
even when you are right in front of me
all i want is to be close and we don't
even have to say a word
and i find myself in your security
and all is okay. but just.. okay.

today is that certain day. that certain day. i give up. i give it all up.
there's no more A or B.
i think of her all the time. and i think of her all the time. how do i get over you?
how do i get over you?
please say something
tell me anything. anything. i'll listen. i promise.
its really hard for me. if i could just tell you.
we're not that close, i guess.
there's nothing between us that stands out between you and anyone or between me and anyone else.
i guess its just normal. there isn't anything special.
but you do mean a lot.
i hate you.

today is the day.

this weekend was pretty fun.. or cool or w/e. i have a lil sis now.. i mean i knew who she was but she now knows who i am. hmm.. i don't really think she likes me all that much but its cool.. especially after thursday night.. there was a party after revealing of lil sis/big bro and stuff and i got a little too crazy but it did not seem like it.. everything came so fast. i had a major hangover for the rest of the day friday... a bad hangover. i really want to say i will be more responsible, because being a big i'm suppose to be somewhat of a good influence but my little came up to me and said i was a bad influence.. T.T so i woke up friday and it felt like a saturday.. lol. then just hung out with the guys.. went to ronny's and cooked some food. later that night we had a video game madness night.. i didn't really play. i just fell asleep and stuff... and then went out to eat lunch i guess.

now i'm home in mustang.. there were some stuff i was planning to do this weekend but i didn't get to. i wanted to talk to someone.. and just get things off my chest. but i got too crazy and stuff. well yea, i wanted to talk to binh just because he seems to understand me pretty well but i think i will wait til next weekend. sometimes you have a lot to say but even if you say it it doesn't really make you feel better.. the problem is still there and you jsut can't help the way you feel. i'm watching the osu texas tech game right now.. penn state was upset by iowa.. i think for ou's benefit i think we want texas tech to win against osu.. anyways

there are certain things you can't try too hard to get. its like chasing a butterfly.. the more you chase after it the harder it is to catch.. its just probably better to let it be. even if it can't be yours

i respect guys that can approach a girl they like or take the initiative even if they force it and do it incorrectly and the girl rejects them or the girl is totally creeped out.. at least he's got balls..

how do i get you to notice me?
even as i am sitting beside you

words that i want to tell you.
knowing you for so long
but i can't get the words out
to tell you that you
are very important to me
and right now, i miss you.

it feels so good to drink.
it feels so good to drink for the right reasons.
it feels so good to drink for the wrong reasons.
it feels good that for a slight moment i think that i may have a chance with you.
it feels so good to have a little that will drink with me without any questions or hesitation.
it feels so good to drink.