one side belief is bias. even if you hear two sides to a story, does it make you understand the situation? no, but if you heard three sides it is more believable because truth is three dimensional

You are narrow minded and unreasonable

long time no update. miss me?

i am so lost. so afraid. i need help. but i dont want to ask for help.

stuck in a rut. stupid, stupid me. i'll never learn.

the last thing i need is someone close to me leaving me. i've had that too much. i'm tired of ppl walking without saying anything

if you don't want to listen to me.. don't just walk away

TKO--

you're my love;
you're my curse

if you knew how hard it is for me

don't let me go.. don't let me go..

not a bad birthday.

and quite interesting.

i can't wait until the next birthday..

POST 201

so today is my birthday. nothing too special. this week should be interesting, though.

there's a realization of my age. i am no longer a "teen" but entering my twenties. sigh..

my birthday also reminds me of my grandmother. i miss her a lot. she passed away a year ago a couple days before my bday. my birthday will always be associated with her loss.the last time i saw her i promised her i would call her. i never did. i told myself i would try in school and be successful for her. i'm not doing well at that. i'm so sorry. i miss her, though.

if i win the lottery, my problem(s) will be solved.

1. I will donate a portion of the money to a charitable organization of my choice.
2. I will give a portion of the money to my parents
3. I will invest a good portion of it into a trust fund.
4. Invest in various things of interest. Possibly real estate, club, sports bar, business of some sort.
5. In the name of Tau Kappa Omega, throw the biggest party you have ever experienced and it will be called the Ultimate Omega Red. People will drown in dollar bills and get paper cuts in their eyes from the money falling to the ground. I will have a celebrity perform and crazy drink specials and half naked beautiful women dancing on poles.
6. I will travel to many places. I might take some friends with me.
7. I will flaunt my riches in front of those who have looked down on me, doubted me, hated me, hurted me!! I'll throw money at you!!
   

so many things i can think of.. sigh.

i wish i could just just break down and cry..

damn i have work today.. its an easy job.. but i dread it. driving back and forth between norman and mustang sucks. parents are trying to get me to commute when school comes around.. fuck that!

i finished shining inheritance. it's a pretty good series. i enjoyed it, although i didnt really really love it.

i also finally watched gran torino last night. there are many racial slurs, stereotypes, and stuff.. it was an ok movie. i found it funny and kind of awkward..

what should i do this year to celebrate my 20th birthday? i didnt do anything last year, really

weekend was pretty good. stayed in norman friday night and played some beer pong. went rafting saturday. sunday went home took brother around in parents new car. hung out with kevin. played basketball in edmond. ate at ihop. went to trung's house. went to edmond and karaoked.

speaking of karaoke.. have you ever seen trung bui karaoke? lol being around him is always good times.. esp i haven't seen him for a while.

now that i know, i wont wonder anymore. ever have the experience where you just find out a lot of new things thats going on.. kind of shocking things..? and things that will change the way you see people.. at least i know now.

Shining Inheritance

• Description:
  

  This will be focusing on the love and trials of the 20 year old generation. Go Eun Sung's life is similar to Cinderella's. After her father died, her step-mother, Baek Sung Hee, took away all of her assets and her younger brother, Eun Woo, suddenly disappears without a trace. Eun Sung preservers and works really hard to become a chef at a food company. The grandson of the food company, Sun Woo Hwan, notices Eun Sung and falls in love with her.

-if you're looking for a drama to watch, this is a great one to start watching. watch it stream on www.mysoju.com

i miss that feeling.

do you ever feel like everything is unreal? like your life, you aren't really living it. you aren't alive. you're just seeing through the eyes. unreal, kind of like "the matrix".

do you ever feel like you've done something before, or you lived the same moment before. kind of like de ja vu but not exactly. like, there are moments that you feel like "man, if i could do this again, i would so do it differently." but then this feeling i'm talking about is the event is happening for the 2nd or whatever and it feels like you have chosen the same path, made the same decision. do you understand?

can't help but think if i've ever really loved. love is such an ambiguous term.. varied understandings.. if I loved you, and you loved me.. are we feeling the same thing? are we in love? if from time A to time B, i loved you and you didnt love me, and from time C to time D you loved me and i didnt love you, and time B to time C was blank, were we in love from time A to time D?

i am meant for something so much greater.. something big.. do you feel that way? where do i start..? where do i start? i need that initial spark of inspiration light my wick of motivation and stir my flame of passion.. and just let my wax melt.. and melt.. and melt.. let it be felt by the world.

"we are rarely called upon at a moment of our choosing.."

"i don't know"
"i don't care"
"sorry"

if my life was twitter, those would be the trending topics

i'm home. it feels weird. a part of me feels like i belong in maryland. oh well.. we'll see where things go from here. i'm really fortunate to be so loved.. don't take things for granted.

i've been in maryland.. its pretty nice over here. i haven't been on the computer as much which is good.

we went to ocean city.. watched fireworks for 4th of july.. swam at the beach.. walked on boardwalk and played beer pong.. my brother played too. weird

went to DC, virginia and stuff. and shopping of course.. my parents went home wednesday

we went to hersheypark in pennsylvania. it was interesting. went kayaking. friday went out to 'the rooftop' its like a place with a bar on a rooftop then went to a korean bar. i bought my first drink at the bar.. at the rooftop some guy asked if i wanna take a piss with him. at the korean bar some older white man started talking to me.. but no girls. except for the girls i went out with. they kept buying me drinks. made me feel bad

today we went to the zoo in DC. it was tiring, hot and didnt see many animals. we rode on the metro.. i'll update later.. with pics, too.

thoughts and prayers go out to dustin and his family

how can an adult with children be so immature and obnoxious..

"guys don't know what they want"

i know what i want, i just want a lot of things!!

been out a lot lately.. no more money. just out eating and drinking.. hehe

i remember freshman year in high school there was this girl that i thought was the prettiest girl ever. she actually talked to me because she was really nice. i didnt have social skills and would say the wrong things but everytime she talked to me i would remember and tell my friends about it, how stupid.

then we had this banquet thing and i was contemplating all night if i should ask her for a dance. it was going to be my first slow dance ever. i went to dances in middle school before but i didnt do much but play basketball in the gym. i was so lame. anyways, all night i wanted to ask her for a slow dance but then they played "take my breath away" then i was going to ask her but then i was like no but the last song of the night i finally decided to ask her.

well actually this was going to be my first dance, but earlier in the night some girl asked me for a dance and i wanted to say no, but its hard for me to say no to people for some reason. so my first slow dance was taken away by someone else.. lol

So anyways, back to the girl. We happily obliged, and we danced and man it was weird. i was moving awkwardly. i was really stiff and rigid. there was like a foot of space between us. we were dancing and talking, i felt like the happiest guy ever. i think it was my first real attempt initiating something with a girl. success!

there was one time i asked her to go to one of my soccer games and she did, too. when i was asking her and she said yes, i said something stupid and my friends were like, "dude. you never correct a girl" man i was stupid. but i like i said, she was a really, really nice girl. she had a very nice smile, and a nice badonkadonk to match. lol

i was just thinking of that because when is a chance that will come up again for me to ask a girl to slow dance. dancing nowadays at social events is just not really dancing to me.. just a bunch of grinding and stuff. well actually, at weddings there is some slow dancing or whatever. but definitely if the opportunity came up now and there was a girl i wanted to dance with, i wouldn't hesitate twice to ask!!

my friend danny has been back and been hanging out with him like everyday so far. it feels like he's always been here. he asked if i was excited to see him, and i said no. i forgot how boring and lazy he is. it also sucks how his sister lives so far now.

summer is not really all that better.. right now i'm having one of those moments.. just so. blah. like where is my life going. nothing to look forward to. i don't even enjoy drinking that much. or enjoy anything at all much.

watched "year one" the other day. i would say the movie sucks. "the hangover" was much better even though its more hyped up than it is to be. "star trek" is still the number one summer '09 movie so far for me.

just got back from wal mart bought some anti perspirant(sp?), body wash, and shower/bath gloves. i just used the gloves and liked them. it beats loofahs or whatever.

"there is so much i could say but words get in the way"

my back is killing me. i can't even do simple things like putting my pants on, putting shoes on and off, sit, or drive without extreme difficulty. the pain is unbearable when i cough, sneeze it sends a crazy sharp pain up and down my entire back.i should be getting it checked out soon.. hopefully its nothing too bad.

on a happier note, i get to see my homie danny dizzle aka danny dizzang on thursday.

always felt we were meant to be together, felt there was something between us that couldn't be explained.. sorry, can't do this. i can't

i'm really frustrated. i want to tell someone but i can't find the words or courage or the initiative to, although i could write a mile about what is on my mind, which i'm not even sure what it is, just a jumble of things. should i be content with what i have or so called "appreciate what i am given" or should i feel like there is really something more out there, like i am meant for something so much greater than this heap of shit. i'm having one of those moments where i'm young, dumb, and fucking angry at the world. i don't really give a fuck and everyone in this world owes me something.

you were all i ever wanted.. even though we're okay now, its just not the same.

as things seem to get better.. more things get in the way to bring it down... as people are moving forward.. i am moving backwards

hmm seems like some girls fall in love so easily. which also means they fall out of it just as quick. they fall in love with person A, then they fall in love with person B and then forget person A. just an observation..

to talk or not to talk it seems things will be like it was before and it might just be a never ending circle.

edit//

hmm i guess its for real now. i think all i could do is just think positive and try to be happy. it makes life a lot easier. its just once in a while something comes up. overall, i am glad it is how it is i think. there is so much weight lifted off of me. theres nothing holding me back anymore. i want to get really really drunk though.. i think i'd feel better.

i just thought of something pretty recently. girls always say guys can't make up their minds about girls or whatever. i think i found the reason why. if you're a guy, you tend to have this natural ambition or yearning for more. its in everything we do. we are competitive, we can't be content with what we have, we are ambitious. if you are a real man i think if you have a job you don't want to settle with what you have but you want to have more, whether it be money, status, power, respect. so when it comes to girls a guy can grow accustomed to a girl and he can be content. for a while. then he will feel inadequate. he can't really help it but there are just so many girls out there with so many qualities and characteristics. so to fill up a void or searching for something a man has to search for the right things, the right qualities, the right characteristics, the right girls. so it explains when he finds someone he wants but can't have, thats why guys want what they can't have. men love challenges, we work for what we deserve. if something can't be solve we try to find the solution. next time a guy seems indecisive its because he really really can't help it!! its hard to believe but a guy can really love a girl even though it seems he is juggling a couple

it feels really good to finally let go of something you should have a long time ago. life is more appreciated and enjoyable. thoughts are clear and you realize there is so much more out there to live for@!!! just weight off the shoulders

i have this friend, he is like one of my best friends ever and we still are really good friends. when we are together we have so much fun and we are so funny. we do the simplest of things and have a great time.. just playing basketball or just talking about life.

anyways, i've been talking to him and trying to hang out with him since its been summer break and all. he and this girl are like in love with each other. he says he really loves this girl and they have a unique story. their moms work together and they were childhood friends. they haven't seen each other for years and finally met each other again in college.

they fall in love, but of course there is some complexity. they come from very religious backgrounds and their beliefs are quite different and their families are unwilling to allow either of them to convert or anything like that. as my friend tells me this story it makes me feel really sad for him. he's got it for going on for him, he is now in pharmacy school and there's just this great complication.

they've been together for some time now and they've already looked ahead down that road to marriage and realize that this love they share may not get anywhere. they've discussed about it, argued about it, but they still love each other.. and not sure how it will end.

i just feel like learning from this friend, we shouldn't take love for granted when it comes by us, especially if we have that luxury to love anyone of our choosing. don't let opportunities pass you by when there are people out there that don't even have one.

in the moment of experiencing something enjoyable, you don't tend to enjoy it. i guess its what they say, "taking something for granted". when people experience a little pain, when they cannot endure, they feel every moment of it, and yearn for it to end. when will we ever learn to not take things for granted? the good experiences usually are just a memory you look back and say: "those were good times."

"guess what?"
"what?"
"tan butt!"

haha

i've been working at the dorms for the last two weeks. a lot of girls there. i think its girls all-state or something.

cute girls + summer dresses = decent summer hahah

congratulations on your big day.

i'm thinking of my cousin phong right now. he's 27, lol pretty crazy. i remember i was like 11 or something and he told me how to get a girl and i still remember today. he said if you want to get with a girl the best way is to be her friend and then be her best friend. its actually true because my first girlfriend i was just trying to be friends with her at first and then we did end up together. i think getting older its just a lot more complicated than that. in the friendship one person is going to give in and then the other will probably just insist on being friends or already likes someone else and then its just awkward after that. it worked for my cousin though. he's been with her since high school.. she's in pharm school and he's doing something, not sure.. lol.

"you took our forever and ever away"

summer is pretty slow right now. nothing but school, work, and going out to a couple high school graduations. class of '09. it has been two years and quite a lot has happened and changed in between. i was looking at high school pictures like relay for life and prom. hmm i don't really know what to say. i've been with kevin and another friend these last two graduations.

i have this friend that i went to high school with. he's pretty childish in many ways. he's childish not in the bad way though. he's pretty innocent and naiive. well, anyways.. in high school he dated this girl that he was basically in love. he would pretty much act a fool for her. there were guys that had liked her and thought she was pretty, but the people that were in the right mind thought she was annoying and didn't treat my friend like he deserved.

so over the time that they were dating, he accumulated all this stuff she gave him. his room because a complete shrine of her. there was one time she bought all this stuff for car. His favorite animal is a penguin so she decorated his whole car with things that had penguins. He had a penguin steering wheel thingy and had penguin seat covers.

after a while, she broke up with him. my friend was in this depressive slump for a long time. she had a new boyfriend and he was still in this depressive mode. they eventually talked again because he wanted to be friends but he's still definitely not over her. His bedroom is still covered with her stuff and i was in his car yesterday and those evil penguins are still there.

last year there was a point where he did meet this girl somewhere. he went out a date with her and then they began dating. they dated for a short while until it didnt work out for some odd reason. he wasn't over his ex girlfriend. my friends life is filled with sad love songs, work, and playing world of warcraft.

anyways, this weekend i went to mustang graduation with him and kevin. i went to basically just to hang out with them because i havent seen them in a while and i've been pretty bored this summer. so the reason they went was because kevin's cousin was graduating and my friend wanted to see his ex girlfriend graduate.

so my friend brought balloons for her even though she has a boyfriend now. afterwards when everyone was outside he was running around looking for her and then he finally found her and gave her the balloons. he follows her and her boyfriend around while she doesn't even notice he exists.

the whole time i just wanted to punch him in the face and say "fuck her and fucking move on". when he's running around following her i'm following him too and i didnt want to look like that. i really care for him even though i sound like a jerk but he has to let her go. she is definately not worth his time or caring. he's been told many times but he is stubborn and gets emotional.

well, i hope he finds someone special soon.

i wish i could talk to you. i had so much i wanted to tell you. i need you more than ever now.. i am really sorry. i hope we can talk again soon.

jk.. i've been waiting for this day. i am over you and i am free. moving along.. and engaging my positive thinking theory. it does work!

i have no talent. i can't sing, i can't play the guitar, the piano, the flute. i can't dance, i'm not that funny, i lack social and leadership skills..i have many flaws and shortcomings but someone please come along and save me and i can make you smile if you get to know me

please don't say hi to me. please dont smile at me. please don't look at me. please don't come up to me and say goodbye to me. i'm so used to you not saying goodbye, i'm used to it. but please don't pretend it doesn't bother me inside. it may be easy for you and i'm glad. its funny when you uncover some lies.. they all come out at once.. funny

if i knew how to write a song
would you still come back
if i knew how to write a song
i'd still do all that you ask
if i knew how to write a song
it would have the sweetest melody
if i knew how to write a song
the lyrics would be of you and me
but i don't know how to write a song
so you will never come back to me

PLEASE I DON'T WANT to FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what the fuck..

does anyone else out ever feel like when one bad thing or just anything that upsets you happens.. and then feels like a string of events HAVE to happen.. like all the bad things have to happen.

today sucks. i am a fool... such a fool.

baby, are you down, down, down, down?

i'm at the IT call center in walker.. its quiet.. i'm alone. so lonely. at least i'm studying for my midterm tomorrow lol.. its funny to think of a midterm in one week of school. i watched seventeen again. its a pretty good movie.. don't judge me.

i need to work more hours.. i want to save up a lot of money for the summer.. especially my trips.. like maryland and dallas and stuff.. and PCB!! i also need my hair to grow. i don't regret shaving it.. i hate the transition stage. i have a mini afro.

its weird.. i feel like i'm so much busier in the summer. i have class every morning from 9-1:30 pm and then i play some basketball and go home shower, eat then work until 8.

my toenail came off again. it doesn't bother me that much anymore now that its off.. but what bothers me is the toenail on the other foot isn't look well. i'm so bored at work.. i'm not complaining.. because i like it.

i just "found" this song its called "Down" by jay sean ft lil wayne.. its pretty cool. its like a summer kind of song. anyways, i should be studying but i just had this energy drink i think its making me jittery.

i want to have a bbq or something real soon. meat, beer.. mmm

today i had my first intersession class ever at o trip. it feels like forever in that class but at least its easy like it should be. the instructor is kind of weird but at least he has some personality/character.. then work at couch.. woohoo. hopefully its easy like a mother f er..

alright summer is finally here. that's good because i've been waiting for her. (haha) anyways this summer should be interesting. i have some projects i plan to begin and hopefully complete.

-intersession/summer class
-schedule/plan out fall 2009 (fraternity stuff, if you know what i mean)
-recreational reading.. some stuff on van gogh, and fraternity adopted texts
-vacation trip to mary land/east coast
-work
-hang out with my brother, help him improve in basketball and tennis
-start on some video projects in norman, a show to put on youtube, music video, tau kappa omega documentary, random stupid videos
-possibly music projects, writing lyrics and recording them

there are other things on my mind but those are the main things for now.

..Van Gogh walked into a field near his home, shot himself in the chest, and died two days later at the age of 37. His last words were "the sadness will last forever".

right now i'm hating that little 'highlights' section on the right side on my facebook home.. that reminds me of something i don't have.. definitely not highlight of my life

ouch.. that kinda hurt..

okay, i lied. djafoinea9ndfin902rj3aindfaodifj9ex

Until Whenever.

sorry but i think you are quite mistaken
or i am quite misunderstood
if any of my intentions were towards you
it was long ago, and they are no longer good.

finals are here, its coming too quick
i should be studying a lot yet yesterday we stayed up and played MEGA monopoly.
it was quite nuts.

we might go watch star trek tonight and play some more monopoly. i am sitting in beaird lounge right now. its quiet. i am the only one that i know.

i am pretty excited for the summer. i am going to maryland. i'll be working a lot i think. and yeaa a lot of trips i think. i also have a lot to do this summer getting ready for next semester. i've been quite inspired and have a lot of ideas i need to make use of.

mother's day is coming up

graduation is coming up.

i want to say i'm proud of you, and i'm glad what you have accomplished.
for there were many things between us that were sacrificed
there wasn't a day that i didn't think of you, whether if it was good or bad
although the way you see things have changed
because you were my first, today i hope you are my now, and wish you would be my forever
i'll hope to see you on your graduation day

"until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand.."

we all have responsibilities don't we? the things, the actions, the people.. sometimes how do we know.. what is it.. for how long.. and what must we do.. i'm not quite sure what i'm responsible for and what you want from me

Hi hello miss nice to meet you
I couldn't help had to come and greet you
My name is tan sorry I don't much
But I see something in you I want
So I have to find out soon it's making me delirious
Your beauty is obvious but you are still mysterious
Just be real and chill with me no one is watching us
I'll tell you I'm a taiko would you believe that
We are known on campus kind of famous for swag

I'm just kidding I'm at the dorms waiting
Sitting on the couch Kimmy is in her room bathing
Being at the dorms brings back memories
I remember I would have bk at night and ice cream next to me
But I actually kind of hated the dorms
Never really stayed in my room
The beds were small so was everything else
The bk and ice cream was bad for my health
I spent the nights at joes place but later got awkward
I then stayed at charlies fun I had a lot of
I'm just bored right now pol might think I'm creepy
I'm still hungovet from yesterday feel sleepy
I can now blog from my phone so just checkin it out
Got some things on my mind just lettin it out

"I said excuse me little mama if I may, Take this thought and send it your way, And if you dont like that, then send it right back"

school is coming to a quick end and that means i must study for finals.. this year has definitely gone by quick..

last week was a pretty busy week. we had pole position fundraiser and then our club party.. GET LEI'D. i would say it was a success but we definitely didn't bring out as much ppl as we did OMEGA RED 6.. hard times.. hard times.

yesterday was aKDPHI and lambdas installs/formals.. it was prom night, too and going to it and taking pictures made me feel like it was prom for me, too. hahah afterwards i went to the afterparty and got "throw'd".. i really like the pad thai bar thing.. its pretty cool. i threw up later that night at taco bell drive thru.. just a repeat of last semester.. haha and i went home and threw up some more. first time this semester i got drunk like that and now i remember why i haven't been doing that..

i've been downloading some music lately. i found this kanye west mixtape called LV's and autotune 2.. it has some pretty cool songs on there. there is this amazing remix which i think is pretty cool. i now have the flo rida album, too. i'm listening to it right now... i like the song he has with ne yo called 'be on you'.. its pretty good.

i also found out you can blog from your phone now.. so i'm going to try that out. that means i probably am going to blog more often. i need to learn how to do photos too.. it'll be sweet.

how could you be so heartless?

things came unexpectedly.. and my stupid heart didnt listen and my head followed and i took the wrong steps.. things are getting out of hand.. and now i am getting in too deep.. ohhh and i don't know how to get out of this...

you still are my everything.. if you believe me.. i miss you, and don't abandon me. for i'm just a hitchhiker on the side of the road and i am just along for the ride and i i just wanted to get away from where i was..

dilemma...

girl, what you want?
if i got anything to say about it
that's what you get
girl, what you need?
don't ever hesitate to tell me so
baby girl, you're supposed to know
that nothing is ever too much
you want the world,
but to me, it's not even enough
i would give you the heavens in exchange for your love
baby, just know that nothing is ever too much for you girl
nothing is ever too much for you, girl

nothing//FDM

quite overwhelming..

i love my iPhone~! i love texting now, so text me if you don't have anything to do! hahah umm finished my paper.. two tests this week, but it'll be a good week. the sunflower mission is this week.. we had tea cafe today.. street fighter IV tourney and then dunk tank.. then asian olympics bball!! i'm not playing because i have a test.. but i am excited for thursday night then friday night!! yeaayaaa OH i got to see L dizzle last week and he paid for our meals.. sweet.

just let me know. you would be surprised how i feel or think.. just talk to me.

you the fucking best

damn i hate writing papers.. especially when i am at my peak of procrastination and valley of productivity..

i got an iPhone!!

interesting..

i'll write more later when i'm done with my paper

i know you dream of me, everytime you fall asleep

congratulations to my brother from another mother rubin varghese for making it into pharm school

what a week.. friday went to BED. Saturday did nothing.. upward bound trivia. Sunday, new phone! hopefully

its really easy as a yes or no question..

don't even hesitate
for a split second.
because it will really pass us by

this could be one more slight complication in this mystery. this could be one puzzle we can't solve.

"sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down"

friday night was pretty crazy. we played quarters and almost finished a whole bottle of skyy. it might be the most i have ever drank in a short amount of time. hmm just other stuff going on, taboo, dirty minds, and stuff like that. there is a hole in the wall to remind me.. haha. someone needs to take away my phone when i drink. i don't like drunk texting...

i realized something pretty important. i am actually playing a very important role. i am someone that actually is somewhat of a role model. there are some people that actually look up to me, and it makes me feel obligated to responsibility. i feel really lucky, though. i just hope i dont fuck up

today i played this game on iphone and its called shake it or smack it.. i forgot. its pretty fun. haha

what do i do from here
i really can't stop thinking of you
i just don't think that you realize
how important you really are
i am quite unsure of what i want
and then what i need to say
and of what you really feel
so if you could just let me know
before we let this escape us

if you don't believe in miracles

when the sun comes up in the morning
i would call you, because texting is not personal
"miss sunshine, why are you up so early?
you woke me up, i was dreaming of you."
we'll be on the phone as we brush our teeth
then tell you today is the best day of the week
is okay if i take you out to eat in a little bit
i'll make heart-shaped sandwiches
i'll make cupcakes, and have your favorite chips
i'll pick you up at noon, sharp not a minute later
open the door for you, please have a seat
enjoy the ride and off to the union we go!
the weather is 77 degrees, with a nice breeze
you're wearing a summer dress with flip flops
and sunglasses because you don't want me to know
that you can't keep your eyes off me
we will walk to south oval rest next to a tree
spread the blanket across the grass
we will sit down and have a simple picnic
after we finish we'll lay down on the grass
listen to the birds chirp and then feed the squirrels
afterwards we go to the duck pond on lindsey
in the car i have some extra bread with me
we sit next to the pond and look at the ducks
we feed the birds bread then they start to chase us
we run back to my car and take you back home
you said you need to shower and take a rest
but you insist i take you out to dinner around 6
i said thats cool, i'll go home and chill with Ti
we'll be playing some video games but the truth is
i keep losing because i can't get my mind off you
i shower and get ready to pick you up at 6
the truth is i got there around 5:20, so excited to see you
but i drove around your block until it turned 6
i called you up and you came down
choked on my gum because my heart skipped a beat
off we went down the street for dinner
we had glasses of grape juice because we cant have wine
because neither of us is yet twenty one
(and also i don't think i can afford it)
you thought i was ignoring you the whole time
but i just didnt want you stare at you the whole night
my foot hit the table, i thought you were playing footsies
i got embarassed then went to the restroom for 10 minutes
i came back and caught you smiling to yourself
i asked "what's so funny? care to share?"
you said "nothing." but i knew what was up
because i was feeling the same way, too
for dessert you had some turtle pecan cheesecake
but all i could ask for was you, the sweetest thing ever
time to bounce, our stomachs were full
but my heart was fuller and had a lot on my mind, too
the car ride seemed like forever, my chest was bursting
the windows were down, the night wind kissing us
a certain song came on and i looked at you
i caught you looking at me and i quickly looked away
in the corner of my eye, i knew you kept looking at me
but i tried to play it cool and sing along with the radio
i finally collected myself and had the courage to ask
"would you like to come and chill at my place?
we could watch a movie or something."
you looked at me with a smile and replied
"we can do whatever you like, its fine with me"
so before it became too dark and late
we arrived at 2808 creekview place
the first thing you said to me was
"is it okay if we play some video games first"
yes! i love a video game loving girl
we played some madden and some nba 2k9
you won every single time and you thought i let you win
i said "no, you're really good" but you knew i was lying
now time to watch a movie, what would it be
in the back of my mind i wanted something scary
so when we watched it, you would hold on to me
in the back of your mind you wanted something sappy
so you could cry on my shoulders as i held you
but we decided to watch something funny or comedy
so we could stay up and laugh together
we made some popcorn and yes it was poppin'
coincidentally, you like Tabasco on your popcorn, too
i asked you if you wanted to share a soda and you said no
i was disappointed and my heart was about to explode
and then you said, "i would rather share a beer"
and then i knew, i found the girl of my dreams
we didn't just share a beer, but actually a couple
all the sudden it became really hot
it felt like the floor was on fire
i was so afraid that i would perspire
i am pretty sure we did not pay attention to the movie
because you were all that was on my mind
and i think, i think, i was all that was on yours
the movie was finally over, your head was on my shoulder
you got up and had the cutest yawn, like a cat purring
"are you tired, i will take you home" i asked you
"no, i am not tired at all" you answered
we both did not want the night to be over
i suggested we go to the park, and you happily agreed
it was a little nipply outside, so i put my jacket around you
you looked at me and smiled and thanked me
you moved really close and held onto my arm
i felt really scared and pretended to answer a phone call
i pulled away and pretended to talk on the phone
what an idiot i was, i am such a wimp!
so we reached the park and sat on the swings
"would you like me to push you?" i offered you
"i would rather you sit on the swing next to me" you insisted
we began to talk and you asked if i was afraid of you
i said "of course not" but inside i actually was
a little intimidated, because this girl is too perfect to be real
and i am too afraid to wake up from this dream
you said "if you don't like holding hands, how about this?"
you took my hand and we linked our pinky fingers
as if it were a promise to something more
we swung like that for what seemed like eternity
you looked at me and i could tell that you wanted to tell me something
it was something that words couldn't explain
the clarity, the sincerity, the purity in your eyes
in your heart you were yearning something
you needed some kind of response, some kind of security
i've never kissed a girl before and i told myself
when i do, everything would have to be perfect
the stars would have to be clear and bright
the moon would be full, and the planets are aligned
we would have to be on a beach with salt water breeze
but then something took control of me
and i involuntarily leaned in and looked at you
as if our fate were the stars shining bright
our eyes are like the planets aligned by destiny
and our breaths are like the salt water breeze
i knew it then, it could not have been anymore
perfect.

the world waits for no one.. you shouldn't wait for it either

i decided whats the point of making private. (for you, tony) :)

i think its appropriate to say that spring break is pretty much over. This spring break wasn't bad, actually. its probably even one of the better ones i've had. i actually did stuff. umm.. i just hung out a lot i guess, in norman and edmond. there was drinking and beer pong, video games, basketball, bbq, went to dallas, and just had a lot of fun. i should slow down on beer pong or something because i'm beginning to get this beer belly/gut thing, which is pretty gross, but beer pong is too fun!

some movies i watched were 'college', 'nick and norah's infinite playlist', 'role models', and 'ping pong playa'. the only movie i enjoyed was 'nick and norah's infinite playlist'. i think its a pretty good movie and it made me feel happy watching it. i downloaded the soundtrack and its pretty good.

some things are really not how it seems.. and some things are just really that plain and simple.

i really planned on saying something else. i planned to have a happy outcome with great intentions. somehow the conversation led an unexpected route and we said things that might have needed to be said but the outcome is outrageous and i wished it turned out another way.

baby you're my light- richard hawley. (from the nick and norah soundtrack)

for some things, the harder you try to chase after it, the more it goes away. yet some things just happen no matter what you try to do. some things aren't meant to be

if i were a superhero, i'd be Taneezy. My power would be.. saving girls from the depths of heartbreak, one heart at a time!! haahha

..because you deserve better.

"get the fuck up!! this boat is reall!!"

i am now home in mustang. no, i didn't go to texas a&m. i just decided kind of last minute to not go. i'm glad i didn't go, though.

my spring break began thursday night after the chem exam. we had an iota class hangout aka grand monkey council meeting aka iota class love-making time. we just hung out, played beer pong (i think), played video games, talked, recorded videos and stuff, cooked. oh yeah, victor played beer pong and had non-alcoholic beer. hahaha. oh yeah, we played beer pong with keystone light. its so gross. bj had to drink a lot and it took him forever to finish it. he was miserable the whole night. my losing record has been increasing in beer pong. sad face

so we stayed up until like 5:30 or 6 or something and i woke up about 12 or 2 or something. friday i went to eat at pad thai and then i pretty much hung out with my little c-beezy the whole day. we talked, played video games, "worked out" and then came back to my place. we started cleaning up my place and it looks clean! he pretty much cleaned my whole kitchen and dining room. what a great little. cough cough. later that night we bought beer and had alcohol and people came over and began the mayhem!

i guess we had the thing friday because CT wanted to get messed up because he never got messed up before. pretty much we just played beer pong, made spring rolls, dance, drink, "freestyle". we made all these weird drinks and made CT down them. he had two flaming dr. pepper and it was crazy. he was throwing up but it was because he drank a lot after he ate. we made him drink some more and he was pretty out of it for the rest of the night. he passed out on my bed.. and drooled. CT went to work the next day with a hangover.. hahaha

Saturday I didn't wake up until like 2 or 3 or something. C-beezy, Ti, and i went to go eat at panda garden. we had a very interesting conversation.. very interesting.. hahah. on the way home i looked outside the window of chris's truck and noticed the car next to us. the driver was a woman and she was crying like crazy and in the passenger was a dude yelling at her and i saw his eyes look at me looking at them. awkward!! after that just went back to my place and chilled. we listened to music and practice beer pong. after that we decided to go to edmond and visit tina.. and we did.

we met up with tina, her cousin linda and her brothers at cafe de taipei. after that we went to the huge wal mart. we were there for a while.. i was goign to print pictures but the instant ones weren't on. after that we went to tina's house and chilled. we finally left at 3 am and went home. we listened to music for a bit and then i went to sleep.

anyways, i'm home now.. going to take my brother out i think.. sucks.. i left my phone in norman. so i gotta go to norman soon.

i think we are going to start videotaping a lot of the stuff we do. its really interesting to watch.. it makes you notice the little things that you may miss.. and its just funny.

and yes... muy interesante.................................................... .. . .
................
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

i should be studying right now or write a paper but i can't focus. i only had like one hour of sleep. good thing flag football is cancelled today (i think) because i am so tired. i can't wait until tonight because the iota monkeys are coming over and we will have a jolly time playing beer pong and other stuff ;).

i can't focus because spring break is coming soon. i won't be having classes tomorrow and i will be going to texas a&m and houston with some of the brothers to compete in asian olympics and visit l dizzle. i can't wait to hang out with my high school friends, either.

the other day i was walking on campus and i saw this girl. this girl isn't just any girl but she was my long lost childhood friend. its funny how i find it difficult to talk to girls now but back then there was a point that i only had girls as friends. we would have sleepovers and stuff, as funny as it seems. anyways, this wasn't the first time i have seen her. i've seen her a couple times last year. a couple as in maybe 4 or 5 times the whole year. i remember i told hieu that she was one of my best friends but somehow i don't have the courage to approach her. i know she recognizes me because she told her parents she's seen me around campus before and my parents told me that. hopefully i have the courage to approach her someday because it would be a great shame if i don't ever see her again or something and i will greatly regret it.

closure is when the wound of the heart begins to heal

last night i was out with some of the guys to eat ihop. we were there until 4:30 in the morning. we talked about really interesting stuff. we talked about a great range of things but its always interesting. during the end of the time there we talked about something that made me realize i kind of want a girlfriend or be in a relationship, kind of. i'm nt saying i'm going to go out there and go on a mission and have to find one, but if a good opportunity comes up, i may strongly consider it. there is really nothing holding me back anymore. i don't have anymore shitty excuses.

i also did something last night, something pretty big. for about a year and a half now i've been lost, frustrated, stuck in the middle, and hesitant to reach for something i may have really wanted. last night i said the words that i feel like i needed to say, with some advice and encouragement from a certain girl, my little. for about a year and a half now i've been held back by merely memories, and not even someone that was there for me. i was held by something i wish would come back and recognize me but i think i finally confronted it and said i'm not waiting around for anything anymore and that i was over it. i feel lighter now, but i'm not sure if i said something i really meant. :/

everyone has flaws but i think i recently recognized one of my flaws. its a flaw that has to do with relations with the opposite sex. i feel really flattered when people compliment me or say something nice, and i take it quite seriously. some of the guys tell me that there are girls out there that think i'm "cute". i'm not sure what kind of "cute" they mean. is it a cute that would make me attractive or am i "cute" like an innocent bunny sitting in a garden eating a carrot on a 77 degree day? anyways, my flaw is that i really take the little things too seriously. i over analyze things and interpret them the wrong way.

for a while now i've been having a crush on this girl. its kind of funny because she makes me feel like when i was back in high school. i would look forward to seeing her and weird things i see throughout the day would remind me of her. when i am around her i get butterflies and catch myself glimpsing at her. i really want to talk to her more than i do but i get really nervous. anyways, she is a really nice girl but some small actions make me misinterpret them as signs that she might be interested in me, too. i guess this thinking of mine cause me to make me fall deeper in my infatuation or whatever. but the thing about me is when a girl does something nice for me i take it the wrong way and later thats just her personality and she treats everyone like that. i feel so embarassed and i never want to like a girl ever again because i don't know how to get girls, or express myself. the art of courtship is difficult.. i am a loser.

and yes, i was really upset because of what you did to me. i stayed up all night waiting for your text to find out you were with your "new" friends and then you didn't even reply to my text. i guess we are really better off as acquaintances.

maybe this feeling will go away.

i guess its true i seem a lot more happier lately.. i notice i smile more in pictures.. and in general. :)

FD is now over. It was a pretty good FD. I think it was overall better than yesterday in the sense it was more entertaining. I, however, enjoyed last year more, personally. Maybe because it was the first FD. It was great seeing the old guys and everyone dressing up and stuff.

I always have so much to say, or I want to say to you but there seems to be no opportunity. In my head I go over all of the things I could say when we did have the opportunity. When rarely given the chance, I can't really find the courage of the words to express what I've been urging to. We will just find ourselves in an awkward silence waiting for something to break it.

I am so sad and upset.. I just feel like you let me down a lot. I guess it's okay though because you're not obligated to do anything for me.

Tau Kappa Omega's founders' day is tomorrow. the fraternity has been really busy lately. fortunately for me, all the madness has been happening over at my place.

i got this new haircut.. i'm not sure if i like it. anyways, i'm pretty excited for the weekend. i'm glad its here.

we've been practicing about twice a week for asian olympics flag football. hopefully we take the gold! if we get first place in this, we pretty much won the whole thing. our goal is to get first in everything, though.

Time together is just never quite enough
When you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home
What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time

i need to slow my roll. i haven't myself lately..

i think i found her

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i feeeel sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.. no one will trust me ever again!!!

its so odd. an odd feeling. i haven't had such great time in a long time.. i can't remember the last time i felt that way.. just me and another person.. odd

so i havent really being staying with my new year's resolutions..
i was supposed to work out and get fit but that hasn't happened, yet. i've been staying at my place a lot trying to avoid being out a lot. it also prevents me from eating out too much but then when i stay home i eat TOO much. i can't stop eating..

parties are no good either. its devastating to my health.

"no matter what happened between me and you
i'll always be the man you come running to"

today could be a good day. :)

it wouldn't hurt to call once, would it? even as "busy" as one might be. just a phone call could mean the world to that person.

why do i feel so ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED FJ)((EIWJFIW(@)@ERJIG((F(@(IR093j2f9. i think valentine's day is worse than friday the 13th.

i don't want to be without you, girl


you wouldn't know unless you gave it a try

trying my best to not let that happen again.

You're more beautiful than anything in this world
More precious than the rarest diamond or pearl
And even though we didn't work out together
You're still my sunset-set-set-set
And I know that you and I are two worlds apart
But you'll always be the one to have my heart
I'm gonna love you for now and forever
Cause you're my sunset-set-set-set-set

rush is over now i guess.. gotta focus this semester.. we had a party last night.. i wanted to drink some, dance, and have some fun but i was outside the whole time. sadly i broke a new year's resolution or two.. oh well

this morning i woke up and went to the gym to play basketball. it was good seeing long hoang.

today is phi delta alpha founders' day.. yea.. not much i have to say.. study now i guess

do we really want to go down that road again..? although..

i wear my sunglasses at night

friday i played basketball at the huff.. my calf cramped up.. sucks. later that night i went to a teke party. i had a good time.. its a different environment. pretty chill. something happened that night that made me feel pretty good about myself. someone was among her girlfriends and said "tan.. he's such a good guy". it just felt good.. maybe people do like me.

my shoes came in on friday too.. i wore them to the party. i really like them.. and they were only $30.. air flight '89!! the year i was born.. heh

after the party we had taco bell.. then went to taiko house.. then tina's apartment afterwards.. i fell asleep right away. woke up to girls watching us sleep.. awkward.. i felt kind of shitty but after that went to help charlie move to his new place. after that i went back to mustang. i showered then slept until like 6 or something.

kevin came over and we hung out. we were supposed to go to bww and watch the ufc fight. bj penn vs george something.. some canadian guy. it was super crowded and we were there pretty early too.. we just decided to go eat somehwere.. drove around.. then decided to eat at red lobster.. it was.. eh.. whatever. not worth my money.

after that we decided to watch a movie. we wanted to watch gran torino but came there and only had midnight showing and didnt want to wait.. so we decided to go to wal mart and then stop by bww and stand and watch the ufc fight.

at wal mart i bought this bulletin board/dry erase thing.. and a cool obama poster. i was goin to get a maxim calendar but didnt find one. we went to bww afterwards.. i went to the restroom. some drunk guy taking a piss complaining how someone puked in his urinal.. haha. watched the fight.. it was one sided the whole time. didnt even get to 5th round cause bj penn gave up. mma isn't that interesting to me..

oh yea.. jackasses downtown.. at bricktown.. fuckin jackasses..

i want to go to batting cage pretty soon.. and maybe rock climbing.

i'm about to live somewhere else.. moving out of 2200 rogers circle. its about time. i can't take it anymore!!

these last couple days have been pretty cool. just hanging out. just singing, grilling, drinking, gambling, chillin, "snowboarding", gaming.. pretty sweet. i also made some punch. its not bad.. at all.

i miss you. a lot.

'cause i gotta know what made me unbeautiful

the first week of school was okay. i realized how much i want to live somewhere else. its depressing coming home to this dark, creepy, haunting house. it doesn't help that the heat doesn't work and there is no internet. its all the more depressing when i have to come home to all of this-alone. being home in mustang right now feels so good.

i've been working out since i have "time" now. i worked out chest one day and then back the other day and ran a mile. i was sore for a couple days. its pretty cool how i seem different or bigger for the first couple days. i later realized i'm pretty fat. i have kind of a flab on my stomach. i've been watching some of the guys do the p90x workout and now i am tempted to join.

thursday night binh, bj, and me went over to charlie's place and hookah'd. it was good times. we just sat around and chill, trying to do smoke tricks. charlie made us some food like the good pledge daddy he always been. i can french inhale.. kinda. i want a hookah!

last night i just hung out with some people. i watched some flag football in the freezing cold. afterwards, we went to the taiko house and then went to eat at asian buffet because TEA Cafe was crowded. We then headed to the union to attend the Sigma Lambda Gamma probate. It was a good experience. We hung out at the Union for a couple hours taking pictures and stuff. After that, we FINALLY left to the taiko house.

At the taiko house we just played singstar and stuff. I left to go say happy birthday to Phung because she turned 21. It kind of makes me sad that I am getting close to that number. Yes, when i am 21 i won't have be around drinking underage and driving and stuff but it just makes me feel so old.

Later that night some of us headed to the Gammas' afterparty. Taikos rolled in deep and we felt really welcomed by them. I took about 8 shots and had 2 beers. Pretty much all of the liquor was taken by Taiko and Gamma shots. We decided to head back home..

After tim, thomas, and i got back to the house, thomas went to go throw up. weak sauce! i called up some people to see what they were doing and they were at chris bui's and luke's so i headed over there. i drove which wasn't a good idea but i made it.

i arrived at their place and they were making fajitas. it was pretty good. after that was just picture taking and stuff.... i took jannie to her car and then went back to my place and crashed.

its that time of the year again. you know, the phi dee founders' day and taiko founders' day. everyone is talking about who they are taking and who they want to ask and take as a date and stuff. its kind of like prom or something. well, unfortunately for me, no one asked me to phi dee founders' day. yes, i could go by myself or even take someone (i think), but i don't like going by myself. i just want someone to ask me to go for once. that makes me sound stingy and difficult, but its true. i might never even go to a phi dee founders' day.

as for the taiko founders' day, i still don't know who i'll be taking yet. i have some people in mind, though. in the end, it doesn't really matter who i take.

i'm really feelin' Unbeautiful by Lesley Roy right now. I had trouble distinguishing whether if she was a guy or not on the radio but its okay. I think its a pretty good song.. for now.

i hate that point, the moment in time, when you have that realization that you miss that something or someone so much but it was in the past and how things are just not the same anymore... because no one can change time. If you could, would you really change what happened?

it is probably time that we let go.

i went to my first nba/thunder/jazz game the other night. the game itself was pretty good, entertaining-sense, but the seats kevin and i had were gay. its all the way up against the wall. it was so far, the players and the court seemed unreal, the fans cheering seemed unreal. the very top seats were in the dark.. oh well, the tickets were free.

before the game, kevin and i had dinner at korean house in del city. the food was alright. its just "alright" because its korean food i guess, and i was just craving it. i paid for the meal. its beginning to get to me that it feels kind of weird eating out with a guy friend one on one. it just feels kind of like a couple thing to do. i kind of miss the couple thing. ehh

today i just went to watch my brother's basketball game. mustang is hosting a tournament. so i went to the game kind of early and watched the 7th grade girls play. man, the game is so frusrating to watch. every single possession seem to result in a turnover. the game got to a point where it was really physical. a mustang girl knocked a girl over and she flew and slid across the floor. there were plenty of times that that there were loose balls and 5 or 6 girls would dive on each other. yikes

my brothers game finally started and to my disappointment, he didn't get any playing time. i think there was too much on the line for the coach to let him in. the first half of the game his team was up by 11 points. the 2nd half they lost the lead and began losing. in the end, the game was close. it was kind of exciting. well, my brothers team ended up losing by one point. i'll be at their game tomorrow, still in the tournament.

after the game, as i was about to go home, one of the coaches said hi to me. its weird because back then in middle school i was one of those kids no coach would notice or anything in P.E. or school. the coaches usually picked the cool, popular, and/or athletic kids to be their favorites and talked to them more and chose them as the "line" leaders. i just find it interesting he may have recognized me.

today, on the way to norman, i finally witnessed something i have always wondered ALL my life. i've always wondered how do the mail delivering trucks get to neighborhoods and stuff. i wondered if mail delivering trucks ever went on the highways. i've wondered because i've NEVER seen one on the highway. well, as you have probably guessed, there it was: the driver on the right side, in the white cube-shaped vehicle, on the highway. amazing.

later, i also saw a truck pulling a trailer and one of the tires on the trailer blew and the truck had to pull over.

also, before work today, i finally got advised to enroll. i'm always pretty bad at getting advised, and somehow get enrolled into my classes okay. i had a pretty good conversation with my advisor today. it made me question if i really wanted to do what i was doing but then again it made me realize i don't know what else i could do. she told me about her life how she was into the same things i were, history, english, writing, some science, and never had a major until her senior year. she later taught french in the phillipines. it was interesting i suppose. at the end of my advising we had the awkward silence. i was pretty sure i was ready to go but she didn't say something like, "okay, you're good to go" or anything. we just sat silently and awkwardly for about 30 seconds. i later had the guts to ask "so.. is that everything? am i good to go?" and somehow it was still awkward.

recently i've been experiencing things that made me realize how old i am getting. during christmas break, when my dad's friend and his family came over, he (my dad's friend) shook my hand. i've always wondered when will i be "old enough" to greet an adult asian man by shaking his hand, and not with the typical greeting children do.

last night i went out to eat with my parents and some people they knew. this older asian man approached and talked to me and we had a conversation about school and stuff. i was pretty surprised because i don't usually have conversations with older people. he went to OU and stayed at the same dorms i stayed. he complained about the frat guys always loud and stuff. haha. he graduated in like 1986 or something with a bachelors in classics? or something and got his masters in california at USBA, which i'm not sure what school that is. he later went to law school at OU, where his tuition was waived and he had $1000 a month to spend. he practiced law for a while and got tired of it and then worked for the post office. he told me working in the health field is a great choice, but he said if i ever got a chance to work for the government, i should take it. the benefits are a plus for my family if i ever decide to have one. interesting.-

so i will not hide, its time to try, anything to be with you

wouldn't it be awesome if i could make some money blogging? maybe if i was sponsored by 'G'.?

nothing magnificent happened lately. i watched the bcs national championship in norman with some buddies at the taiko house. its so depressing to lose. i hate losing. i felt sad. it made things worse when the media makes tim tebow so righteous, so saintly. it makes me sick. he's been at orphanages and lived in leper colonies. ohhh, goood for him. when he got a penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct against nic harris, the commentators were like "thats probably the only bad thing he's ever done in his life". damn. on the bright side, i won 5$, though. i had a feeling OU was going to lose, so i made a bet with kevin. either way, i would feel kind of happy, right? it just felt right for the gators to win. its just like a well-written story. tim tebow is the protagonist. of course he wins.

anyways, what happened to ryan cabrera?

sometimes i still wonder. i don't think i've had the "closure", or the conclusion i wanted. i don't think the problem has been solved. i do not feel content. actually, i do feel content. sometimes i don't care, but i'm so mixed up in other things right now. i'm such a tangled mess. i'm involved into this mess, and when i pick at one string, looking for an end, i disturb the whole mess.

i'm going to invest into a new hobby that quite a few of ppl have picked up: photography. i'm going to invest into a beginner's digital SLR camera. i'm still not sure what to get, but probably nikon D60 or something. i'm going to take beautiful photos this summer. i'm also looking forward to a new phone in march or so.

i can't wait until the summer. i think it'll be.. legendary.

damn.. i'm sick. i have the cold or something. haven't done anything much. worked, played tetris on facebook, watching 'how i met your mother', and attending my brother's basketball game with tiep.

being back at mustang north middle school gave me like walk down memory lane. i've matured so much ever since those days, physically and intellectually. the gym felt so small, as opposed to back then, when it seemed so big and crowded during pep assemblies. the kids are not kids, but not really anything. they're at the point where the girls look older than the boys.

i was walking by these girls today at the school. they said heyy to me and started giggling. maybe it was because they thought i was a jonas brother.. lol. jk anyways i watched te basketball games. kids kept walking by. i don't like being prejudice but i can classify the cliqs or types of kids that walk by. actually, i "can't" but i can have an idea, or think so. there were the "cool" kids rockin' a&f and american eagle and stuff. there were the teenie boppers, all schooled out in makeup and heavy mascara. there were the wrestlers that wore those work boots and jackets. ahh.. reminds me of my days.

anyways, my brother didn't get much playing time but he still got pt on 7th grade A team. that's not much i guess, but he will probably excel more than i ever did. i have high hopes for him. i really love him a lot, but i don't think he knows. i hope he turns out better than i am.

i'm just afraid that things won't be the same when i'm back..

i'm such an utter failure. no exaggeration. its quite embarassing. i'm so upset i feel sick. where do i go from here..?

as of now, i'm watching the sugar bowl. alabama is losing to utah. it was kind of funny because a while ago i saw a ref throw a penalty flag and it hit a players foot, the flag went into the air and hit a guy in the head. a while ago i returned some movies to family video and bought a mouse at office depot. unfortunately, the mouse isn't working and i will return it tomorrow. i was expecting to play a computer game tonight!

yeserday i just hang helped my dad and hung out with kevin. we went ice skating downtown, it was a last minute thing. as gay as it sounds, i was pretty fun. my feet hurt and i had blisters and stuff but its all good. i rented some movies and watched the godfather. it was pretty good.

i haven't done anything much. i went to the taiko house to celebrate the arrival of the new year, along with binh's 20th birthday. its kind of funny because i didnt drink much because i was going to drive home. i can't remember the last time being so sober. i had fun though, and thats the important thing. i tried dancing up on some females, but its an utter disaster, especially when i'm sober. when i'm not at least half-tipsy, seeing me dance is just like a jester entertaining the court filled with girls. gah.. anways, i also attempted making this drink thing. it was pretty gross but it was fun. there was a half bottle of hawaiian punch and 1/3 of everclear. i poured all of that everclear in here and shook it. it tasted.. gross. throughout the night some other people and i tried to make it better by adding stuff like pineapple/orange juice, fanta orange soda, sugar, lime juice, and other stuff. just sipping and taste testing it throughout the night almost got me buzzed.
i also went through the night without smoking anything!

i kind of have new year's resolutions. i plan to try harder in school, cut down on drinking, and stop smoking in general. i also plan to work out, on routine. i decided this is probably the summer i want to look damn good! it is my last summer as a teenager, and i think i'll be going to a beach. so pretty much i just hope to be a healthy person this year, physically, mentally, and such. i just want to be a better person in general.

anyways, in 2008, and in the past in general, i've made a lot of mistakes that i wish i haven't done. i shouldn't live life without regrets or whatever, but i regret these because its usually the same mistakes over and over. i'm supposed to learn from them right, and become better? well, that hasn't happened and maybe its about time for me to grow up. i'm not getting any younger, and certain people are getting tired of it.

recently i just experienced something that kind of opened my view on commitment.

i wish i wasn't so easily attached to people.