this could be one more slight complication in this mystery. this could be one puzzle we can't solve.

"sometimes love comes around, and it knocks you down"

friday night was pretty crazy. we played quarters and almost finished a whole bottle of skyy. it might be the most i have ever drank in a short amount of time. hmm just other stuff going on, taboo, dirty minds, and stuff like that. there is a hole in the wall to remind me.. haha. someone needs to take away my phone when i drink. i don't like drunk texting...

i realized something pretty important. i am actually playing a very important role. i am someone that actually is somewhat of a role model. there are some people that actually look up to me, and it makes me feel obligated to responsibility. i feel really lucky, though. i just hope i dont fuck up

today i played this game on iphone and its called shake it or smack it.. i forgot. its pretty fun. haha

what do i do from here
i really can't stop thinking of you
i just don't think that you realize
how important you really are
i am quite unsure of what i want
and then what i need to say
and of what you really feel
so if you could just let me know
before we let this escape us

if you don't believe in miracles

when the sun comes up in the morning
i would call you, because texting is not personal
"miss sunshine, why are you up so early?
you woke me up, i was dreaming of you."
we'll be on the phone as we brush our teeth
then tell you today is the best day of the week
is okay if i take you out to eat in a little bit
i'll make heart-shaped sandwiches
i'll make cupcakes, and have your favorite chips
i'll pick you up at noon, sharp not a minute later
open the door for you, please have a seat
enjoy the ride and off to the union we go!
the weather is 77 degrees, with a nice breeze
you're wearing a summer dress with flip flops
and sunglasses because you don't want me to know
that you can't keep your eyes off me
we will walk to south oval rest next to a tree
spread the blanket across the grass
we will sit down and have a simple picnic
after we finish we'll lay down on the grass
listen to the birds chirp and then feed the squirrels
afterwards we go to the duck pond on lindsey
in the car i have some extra bread with me
we sit next to the pond and look at the ducks
we feed the birds bread then they start to chase us
we run back to my car and take you back home
you said you need to shower and take a rest
but you insist i take you out to dinner around 6
i said thats cool, i'll go home and chill with Ti
we'll be playing some video games but the truth is
i keep losing because i can't get my mind off you
i shower and get ready to pick you up at 6
the truth is i got there around 5:20, so excited to see you
but i drove around your block until it turned 6
i called you up and you came down
choked on my gum because my heart skipped a beat
off we went down the street for dinner
we had glasses of grape juice because we cant have wine
because neither of us is yet twenty one
(and also i don't think i can afford it)
you thought i was ignoring you the whole time
but i just didnt want you stare at you the whole night
my foot hit the table, i thought you were playing footsies
i got embarassed then went to the restroom for 10 minutes
i came back and caught you smiling to yourself
i asked "what's so funny? care to share?"
you said "nothing." but i knew what was up
because i was feeling the same way, too
for dessert you had some turtle pecan cheesecake
but all i could ask for was you, the sweetest thing ever
time to bounce, our stomachs were full
but my heart was fuller and had a lot on my mind, too
the car ride seemed like forever, my chest was bursting
the windows were down, the night wind kissing us
a certain song came on and i looked at you
i caught you looking at me and i quickly looked away
in the corner of my eye, i knew you kept looking at me
but i tried to play it cool and sing along with the radio
i finally collected myself and had the courage to ask
"would you like to come and chill at my place?
we could watch a movie or something."
you looked at me with a smile and replied
"we can do whatever you like, its fine with me"
so before it became too dark and late
we arrived at 2808 creekview place
the first thing you said to me was
"is it okay if we play some video games first"
yes! i love a video game loving girl
we played some madden and some nba 2k9
you won every single time and you thought i let you win
i said "no, you're really good" but you knew i was lying
now time to watch a movie, what would it be
in the back of my mind i wanted something scary
so when we watched it, you would hold on to me
in the back of your mind you wanted something sappy
so you could cry on my shoulders as i held you
but we decided to watch something funny or comedy
so we could stay up and laugh together
we made some popcorn and yes it was poppin'
coincidentally, you like Tabasco on your popcorn, too
i asked you if you wanted to share a soda and you said no
i was disappointed and my heart was about to explode
and then you said, "i would rather share a beer"
and then i knew, i found the girl of my dreams
we didn't just share a beer, but actually a couple
all the sudden it became really hot
it felt like the floor was on fire
i was so afraid that i would perspire
i am pretty sure we did not pay attention to the movie
because you were all that was on my mind
and i think, i think, i was all that was on yours
the movie was finally over, your head was on my shoulder
you got up and had the cutest yawn, like a cat purring
"are you tired, i will take you home" i asked you
"no, i am not tired at all" you answered
we both did not want the night to be over
i suggested we go to the park, and you happily agreed
it was a little nipply outside, so i put my jacket around you
you looked at me and smiled and thanked me
you moved really close and held onto my arm
i felt really scared and pretended to answer a phone call
i pulled away and pretended to talk on the phone
what an idiot i was, i am such a wimp!
so we reached the park and sat on the swings
"would you like me to push you?" i offered you
"i would rather you sit on the swing next to me" you insisted
we began to talk and you asked if i was afraid of you
i said "of course not" but inside i actually was
a little intimidated, because this girl is too perfect to be real
and i am too afraid to wake up from this dream
you said "if you don't like holding hands, how about this?"
you took my hand and we linked our pinky fingers
as if it were a promise to something more
we swung like that for what seemed like eternity
you looked at me and i could tell that you wanted to tell me something
it was something that words couldn't explain
the clarity, the sincerity, the purity in your eyes
in your heart you were yearning something
you needed some kind of response, some kind of security
i've never kissed a girl before and i told myself
when i do, everything would have to be perfect
the stars would have to be clear and bright
the moon would be full, and the planets are aligned
we would have to be on a beach with salt water breeze
but then something took control of me
and i involuntarily leaned in and looked at you
as if our fate were the stars shining bright
our eyes are like the planets aligned by destiny
and our breaths are like the salt water breeze
i knew it then, it could not have been anymore
perfect.

the world waits for no one.. you shouldn't wait for it either

i decided whats the point of making private. (for you, tony) :)

i think its appropriate to say that spring break is pretty much over. This spring break wasn't bad, actually. its probably even one of the better ones i've had. i actually did stuff. umm.. i just hung out a lot i guess, in norman and edmond. there was drinking and beer pong, video games, basketball, bbq, went to dallas, and just had a lot of fun. i should slow down on beer pong or something because i'm beginning to get this beer belly/gut thing, which is pretty gross, but beer pong is too fun!

some movies i watched were 'college', 'nick and norah's infinite playlist', 'role models', and 'ping pong playa'. the only movie i enjoyed was 'nick and norah's infinite playlist'. i think its a pretty good movie and it made me feel happy watching it. i downloaded the soundtrack and its pretty good.

some things are really not how it seems.. and some things are just really that plain and simple.

i really planned on saying something else. i planned to have a happy outcome with great intentions. somehow the conversation led an unexpected route and we said things that might have needed to be said but the outcome is outrageous and i wished it turned out another way.

baby you're my light- richard hawley. (from the nick and norah soundtrack)

for some things, the harder you try to chase after it, the more it goes away. yet some things just happen no matter what you try to do. some things aren't meant to be

if i were a superhero, i'd be Taneezy. My power would be.. saving girls from the depths of heartbreak, one heart at a time!! haahha

..because you deserve better.

"get the fuck up!! this boat is reall!!"

i am now home in mustang. no, i didn't go to texas a&m. i just decided kind of last minute to not go. i'm glad i didn't go, though.

my spring break began thursday night after the chem exam. we had an iota class hangout aka grand monkey council meeting aka iota class love-making time. we just hung out, played beer pong (i think), played video games, talked, recorded videos and stuff, cooked. oh yeah, victor played beer pong and had non-alcoholic beer. hahaha. oh yeah, we played beer pong with keystone light. its so gross. bj had to drink a lot and it took him forever to finish it. he was miserable the whole night. my losing record has been increasing in beer pong. sad face

so we stayed up until like 5:30 or 6 or something and i woke up about 12 or 2 or something. friday i went to eat at pad thai and then i pretty much hung out with my little c-beezy the whole day. we talked, played video games, "worked out" and then came back to my place. we started cleaning up my place and it looks clean! he pretty much cleaned my whole kitchen and dining room. what a great little. cough cough. later that night we bought beer and had alcohol and people came over and began the mayhem!

i guess we had the thing friday because CT wanted to get messed up because he never got messed up before. pretty much we just played beer pong, made spring rolls, dance, drink, "freestyle". we made all these weird drinks and made CT down them. he had two flaming dr. pepper and it was crazy. he was throwing up but it was because he drank a lot after he ate. we made him drink some more and he was pretty out of it for the rest of the night. he passed out on my bed.. and drooled. CT went to work the next day with a hangover.. hahaha

Saturday I didn't wake up until like 2 or 3 or something. C-beezy, Ti, and i went to go eat at panda garden. we had a very interesting conversation.. very interesting.. hahah. on the way home i looked outside the window of chris's truck and noticed the car next to us. the driver was a woman and she was crying like crazy and in the passenger was a dude yelling at her and i saw his eyes look at me looking at them. awkward!! after that just went back to my place and chilled. we listened to music and practice beer pong. after that we decided to go to edmond and visit tina.. and we did.

we met up with tina, her cousin linda and her brothers at cafe de taipei. after that we went to the huge wal mart. we were there for a while.. i was goign to print pictures but the instant ones weren't on. after that we went to tina's house and chilled. we finally left at 3 am and went home. we listened to music for a bit and then i went to sleep.

anyways, i'm home now.. going to take my brother out i think.. sucks.. i left my phone in norman. so i gotta go to norman soon.

i think we are going to start videotaping a lot of the stuff we do. its really interesting to watch.. it makes you notice the little things that you may miss.. and its just funny.

and yes... muy interesante.................................................... .. . .
................
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

i should be studying right now or write a paper but i can't focus. i only had like one hour of sleep. good thing flag football is cancelled today (i think) because i am so tired. i can't wait until tonight because the iota monkeys are coming over and we will have a jolly time playing beer pong and other stuff ;).

i can't focus because spring break is coming soon. i won't be having classes tomorrow and i will be going to texas a&m and houston with some of the brothers to compete in asian olympics and visit l dizzle. i can't wait to hang out with my high school friends, either.

the other day i was walking on campus and i saw this girl. this girl isn't just any girl but she was my long lost childhood friend. its funny how i find it difficult to talk to girls now but back then there was a point that i only had girls as friends. we would have sleepovers and stuff, as funny as it seems. anyways, this wasn't the first time i have seen her. i've seen her a couple times last year. a couple as in maybe 4 or 5 times the whole year. i remember i told hieu that she was one of my best friends but somehow i don't have the courage to approach her. i know she recognizes me because she told her parents she's seen me around campus before and my parents told me that. hopefully i have the courage to approach her someday because it would be a great shame if i don't ever see her again or something and i will greatly regret it.

closure is when the wound of the heart begins to heal

last night i was out with some of the guys to eat ihop. we were there until 4:30 in the morning. we talked about really interesting stuff. we talked about a great range of things but its always interesting. during the end of the time there we talked about something that made me realize i kind of want a girlfriend or be in a relationship, kind of. i'm nt saying i'm going to go out there and go on a mission and have to find one, but if a good opportunity comes up, i may strongly consider it. there is really nothing holding me back anymore. i don't have anymore shitty excuses.

i also did something last night, something pretty big. for about a year and a half now i've been lost, frustrated, stuck in the middle, and hesitant to reach for something i may have really wanted. last night i said the words that i feel like i needed to say, with some advice and encouragement from a certain girl, my little. for about a year and a half now i've been held back by merely memories, and not even someone that was there for me. i was held by something i wish would come back and recognize me but i think i finally confronted it and said i'm not waiting around for anything anymore and that i was over it. i feel lighter now, but i'm not sure if i said something i really meant. :/

everyone has flaws but i think i recently recognized one of my flaws. its a flaw that has to do with relations with the opposite sex. i feel really flattered when people compliment me or say something nice, and i take it quite seriously. some of the guys tell me that there are girls out there that think i'm "cute". i'm not sure what kind of "cute" they mean. is it a cute that would make me attractive or am i "cute" like an innocent bunny sitting in a garden eating a carrot on a 77 degree day? anyways, my flaw is that i really take the little things too seriously. i over analyze things and interpret them the wrong way.

for a while now i've been having a crush on this girl. its kind of funny because she makes me feel like when i was back in high school. i would look forward to seeing her and weird things i see throughout the day would remind me of her. when i am around her i get butterflies and catch myself glimpsing at her. i really want to talk to her more than i do but i get really nervous. anyways, she is a really nice girl but some small actions make me misinterpret them as signs that she might be interested in me, too. i guess this thinking of mine cause me to make me fall deeper in my infatuation or whatever. but the thing about me is when a girl does something nice for me i take it the wrong way and later thats just her personality and she treats everyone like that. i feel so embarassed and i never want to like a girl ever again because i don't know how to get girls, or express myself. the art of courtship is difficult.. i am a loser.

and yes, i was really upset because of what you did to me. i stayed up all night waiting for your text to find out you were with your "new" friends and then you didn't even reply to my text. i guess we are really better off as acquaintances.

maybe this feeling will go away.

i guess its true i seem a lot more happier lately.. i notice i smile more in pictures.. and in general. :)

FD is now over. It was a pretty good FD. I think it was overall better than yesterday in the sense it was more entertaining. I, however, enjoyed last year more, personally. Maybe because it was the first FD. It was great seeing the old guys and everyone dressing up and stuff.

I always have so much to say, or I want to say to you but there seems to be no opportunity. In my head I go over all of the things I could say when we did have the opportunity. When rarely given the chance, I can't really find the courage of the words to express what I've been urging to. We will just find ourselves in an awkward silence waiting for something to break it.

I am so sad and upset.. I just feel like you let me down a lot. I guess it's okay though because you're not obligated to do anything for me.

Tau Kappa Omega's founders' day is tomorrow. the fraternity has been really busy lately. fortunately for me, all the madness has been happening over at my place.

i got this new haircut.. i'm not sure if i like it. anyways, i'm pretty excited for the weekend. i'm glad its here.

we've been practicing about twice a week for asian olympics flag football. hopefully we take the gold! if we get first place in this, we pretty much won the whole thing. our goal is to get first in everything, though.