it feels really good to finally let go of something you should have a long time ago. life is more appreciated and enjoyable. thoughts are clear and you realize there is so much more out there to live for@!!! just weight off the shoulders

i have this friend, he is like one of my best friends ever and we still are really good friends. when we are together we have so much fun and we are so funny. we do the simplest of things and have a great time.. just playing basketball or just talking about life.

anyways, i've been talking to him and trying to hang out with him since its been summer break and all. he and this girl are like in love with each other. he says he really loves this girl and they have a unique story. their moms work together and they were childhood friends. they haven't seen each other for years and finally met each other again in college.

they fall in love, but of course there is some complexity. they come from very religious backgrounds and their beliefs are quite different and their families are unwilling to allow either of them to convert or anything like that. as my friend tells me this story it makes me feel really sad for him. he's got it for going on for him, he is now in pharmacy school and there's just this great complication.

they've been together for some time now and they've already looked ahead down that road to marriage and realize that this love they share may not get anywhere. they've discussed about it, argued about it, but they still love each other.. and not sure how it will end.

i just feel like learning from this friend, we shouldn't take love for granted when it comes by us, especially if we have that luxury to love anyone of our choosing. don't let opportunities pass you by when there are people out there that don't even have one.

in the moment of experiencing something enjoyable, you don't tend to enjoy it. i guess its what they say, "taking something for granted". when people experience a little pain, when they cannot endure, they feel every moment of it, and yearn for it to end. when will we ever learn to not take things for granted? the good experiences usually are just a memory you look back and say: "those were good times."

"guess what?"
"what?"
"tan butt!"

haha

i've been working at the dorms for the last two weeks. a lot of girls there. i think its girls all-state or something.

cute girls + summer dresses = decent summer hahah

congratulations on your big day.

i'm thinking of my cousin phong right now. he's 27, lol pretty crazy. i remember i was like 11 or something and he told me how to get a girl and i still remember today. he said if you want to get with a girl the best way is to be her friend and then be her best friend. its actually true because my first girlfriend i was just trying to be friends with her at first and then we did end up together. i think getting older its just a lot more complicated than that. in the friendship one person is going to give in and then the other will probably just insist on being friends or already likes someone else and then its just awkward after that. it worked for my cousin though. he's been with her since high school.. she's in pharm school and he's doing something, not sure.. lol.

"you took our forever and ever away"

summer is pretty slow right now. nothing but school, work, and going out to a couple high school graduations. class of '09. it has been two years and quite a lot has happened and changed in between. i was looking at high school pictures like relay for life and prom. hmm i don't really know what to say. i've been with kevin and another friend these last two graduations.

i have this friend that i went to high school with. he's pretty childish in many ways. he's childish not in the bad way though. he's pretty innocent and naiive. well, anyways.. in high school he dated this girl that he was basically in love. he would pretty much act a fool for her. there were guys that had liked her and thought she was pretty, but the people that were in the right mind thought she was annoying and didn't treat my friend like he deserved.

so over the time that they were dating, he accumulated all this stuff she gave him. his room because a complete shrine of her. there was one time she bought all this stuff for car. His favorite animal is a penguin so she decorated his whole car with things that had penguins. He had a penguin steering wheel thingy and had penguin seat covers.

after a while, she broke up with him. my friend was in this depressive slump for a long time. she had a new boyfriend and he was still in this depressive mode. they eventually talked again because he wanted to be friends but he's still definitely not over her. His bedroom is still covered with her stuff and i was in his car yesterday and those evil penguins are still there.

last year there was a point where he did meet this girl somewhere. he went out a date with her and then they began dating. they dated for a short while until it didnt work out for some odd reason. he wasn't over his ex girlfriend. my friends life is filled with sad love songs, work, and playing world of warcraft.

anyways, this weekend i went to mustang graduation with him and kevin. i went to basically just to hang out with them because i havent seen them in a while and i've been pretty bored this summer. so the reason they went was because kevin's cousin was graduating and my friend wanted to see his ex girlfriend graduate.

so my friend brought balloons for her even though she has a boyfriend now. afterwards when everyone was outside he was running around looking for her and then he finally found her and gave her the balloons. he follows her and her boyfriend around while she doesn't even notice he exists.

the whole time i just wanted to punch him in the face and say "fuck her and fucking move on". when he's running around following her i'm following him too and i didnt want to look like that. i really care for him even though i sound like a jerk but he has to let her go. she is definately not worth his time or caring. he's been told many times but he is stubborn and gets emotional.

well, i hope he finds someone special soon.

i wish i could talk to you. i had so much i wanted to tell you. i need you more than ever now.. i am really sorry. i hope we can talk again soon.

jk.. i've been waiting for this day. i am over you and i am free. moving along.. and engaging my positive thinking theory. it does work!

i have no talent. i can't sing, i can't play the guitar, the piano, the flute. i can't dance, i'm not that funny, i lack social and leadership skills..i have many flaws and shortcomings but someone please come along and save me and i can make you smile if you get to know me

please don't say hi to me. please dont smile at me. please don't look at me. please don't come up to me and say goodbye to me. i'm so used to you not saying goodbye, i'm used to it. but please don't pretend it doesn't bother me inside. it may be easy for you and i'm glad. its funny when you uncover some lies.. they all come out at once.. funny

if i knew how to write a song
would you still come back
if i knew how to write a song
i'd still do all that you ask
if i knew how to write a song
it would have the sweetest melody
if i knew how to write a song
the lyrics would be of you and me
but i don't know how to write a song
so you will never come back to me

PLEASE I DON'T WANT to FEEL LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

what the fuck..

does anyone else out ever feel like when one bad thing or just anything that upsets you happens.. and then feels like a string of events HAVE to happen.. like all the bad things have to happen.

today sucks. i am a fool... such a fool.

baby, are you down, down, down, down?

i'm at the IT call center in walker.. its quiet.. i'm alone. so lonely. at least i'm studying for my midterm tomorrow lol.. its funny to think of a midterm in one week of school. i watched seventeen again. its a pretty good movie.. don't judge me.

i need to work more hours.. i want to save up a lot of money for the summer.. especially my trips.. like maryland and dallas and stuff.. and PCB!! i also need my hair to grow. i don't regret shaving it.. i hate the transition stage. i have a mini afro.

its weird.. i feel like i'm so much busier in the summer. i have class every morning from 9-1:30 pm and then i play some basketball and go home shower, eat then work until 8.

my toenail came off again. it doesn't bother me that much anymore now that its off.. but what bothers me is the toenail on the other foot isn't look well. i'm so bored at work.. i'm not complaining.. because i like it.

i just "found" this song its called "Down" by jay sean ft lil wayne.. its pretty cool. its like a summer kind of song. anyways, i should be studying but i just had this energy drink i think its making me jittery.

i want to have a bbq or something real soon. meat, beer.. mmm

today i had my first intersession class ever at o trip. it feels like forever in that class but at least its easy like it should be. the instructor is kind of weird but at least he has some personality/character.. then work at couch.. woohoo. hopefully its easy like a mother f er..

alright summer is finally here. that's good because i've been waiting for her. (haha) anyways this summer should be interesting. i have some projects i plan to begin and hopefully complete.

-intersession/summer class
-schedule/plan out fall 2009 (fraternity stuff, if you know what i mean)
-recreational reading.. some stuff on van gogh, and fraternity adopted texts
-vacation trip to mary land/east coast
-work
-hang out with my brother, help him improve in basketball and tennis
-start on some video projects in norman, a show to put on youtube, music video, tau kappa omega documentary, random stupid videos
-possibly music projects, writing lyrics and recording them

there are other things on my mind but those are the main things for now.

..Van Gogh walked into a field near his home, shot himself in the chest, and died two days later at the age of 37. His last words were "the sadness will last forever".

right now i'm hating that little 'highlights' section on the right side on my facebook home.. that reminds me of something i don't have.. definitely not highlight of my life

ouch.. that kinda hurt..

okay, i lied. djafoinea9ndfin902rj3aindfaodifj9ex

Until Whenever.

sorry but i think you are quite mistaken
or i am quite misunderstood
if any of my intentions were towards you
it was long ago, and they are no longer good.

finals are here, its coming too quick
i should be studying a lot yet yesterday we stayed up and played MEGA monopoly.
it was quite nuts.

we might go watch star trek tonight and play some more monopoly. i am sitting in beaird lounge right now. its quiet. i am the only one that i know.

i am pretty excited for the summer. i am going to maryland. i'll be working a lot i think. and yeaa a lot of trips i think. i also have a lot to do this summer getting ready for next semester. i've been quite inspired and have a lot of ideas i need to make use of.

mother's day is coming up

graduation is coming up.

i want to say i'm proud of you, and i'm glad what you have accomplished.
for there were many things between us that were sacrificed
there wasn't a day that i didn't think of you, whether if it was good or bad
although the way you see things have changed
because you were my first, today i hope you are my now, and wish you would be my forever
i'll hope to see you on your graduation day

"until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand.."

we all have responsibilities don't we? the things, the actions, the people.. sometimes how do we know.. what is it.. for how long.. and what must we do.. i'm not quite sure what i'm responsible for and what you want from me

Hi hello miss nice to meet you
I couldn't help had to come and greet you
My name is tan sorry I don't much
But I see something in you I want
So I have to find out soon it's making me delirious
Your beauty is obvious but you are still mysterious
Just be real and chill with me no one is watching us
I'll tell you I'm a taiko would you believe that
We are known on campus kind of famous for swag

I'm just kidding I'm at the dorms waiting
Sitting on the couch Kimmy is in her room bathing
Being at the dorms brings back memories
I remember I would have bk at night and ice cream next to me
But I actually kind of hated the dorms
Never really stayed in my room
The beds were small so was everything else
The bk and ice cream was bad for my health
I spent the nights at joes place but later got awkward
I then stayed at charlies fun I had a lot of
I'm just bored right now pol might think I'm creepy
I'm still hungovet from yesterday feel sleepy
I can now blog from my phone so just checkin it out
Got some things on my mind just lettin it out

"I said excuse me little mama if I may, Take this thought and send it your way, And if you dont like that, then send it right back"

school is coming to a quick end and that means i must study for finals.. this year has definitely gone by quick..

last week was a pretty busy week. we had pole position fundraiser and then our club party.. GET LEI'D. i would say it was a success but we definitely didn't bring out as much ppl as we did OMEGA RED 6.. hard times.. hard times.

yesterday was aKDPHI and lambdas installs/formals.. it was prom night, too and going to it and taking pictures made me feel like it was prom for me, too. hahah afterwards i went to the afterparty and got "throw'd".. i really like the pad thai bar thing.. its pretty cool. i threw up later that night at taco bell drive thru.. just a repeat of last semester.. haha and i went home and threw up some more. first time this semester i got drunk like that and now i remember why i haven't been doing that..

i've been downloading some music lately. i found this kanye west mixtape called LV's and autotune 2.. it has some pretty cool songs on there. there is this amazing remix which i think is pretty cool. i now have the flo rida album, too. i'm listening to it right now... i like the song he has with ne yo called 'be on you'.. its pretty good.

i also found out you can blog from your phone now.. so i'm going to try that out. that means i probably am going to blog more often. i need to learn how to do photos too.. it'll be sweet.