how can an adult with children be so immature and obnoxious..

"guys don't know what they want"

i know what i want, i just want a lot of things!!

been out a lot lately.. no more money. just out eating and drinking.. hehe

i remember freshman year in high school there was this girl that i thought was the prettiest girl ever. she actually talked to me because she was really nice. i didnt have social skills and would say the wrong things but everytime she talked to me i would remember and tell my friends about it, how stupid.

then we had this banquet thing and i was contemplating all night if i should ask her for a dance. it was going to be my first slow dance ever. i went to dances in middle school before but i didnt do much but play basketball in the gym. i was so lame. anyways, all night i wanted to ask her for a slow dance but then they played "take my breath away" then i was going to ask her but then i was like no but the last song of the night i finally decided to ask her.

well actually this was going to be my first dance, but earlier in the night some girl asked me for a dance and i wanted to say no, but its hard for me to say no to people for some reason. so my first slow dance was taken away by someone else.. lol

So anyways, back to the girl. We happily obliged, and we danced and man it was weird. i was moving awkwardly. i was really stiff and rigid. there was like a foot of space between us. we were dancing and talking, i felt like the happiest guy ever. i think it was my first real attempt initiating something with a girl. success!

there was one time i asked her to go to one of my soccer games and she did, too. when i was asking her and she said yes, i said something stupid and my friends were like, "dude. you never correct a girl" man i was stupid. but i like i said, she was a really, really nice girl. she had a very nice smile, and a nice badonkadonk to match. lol

i was just thinking of that because when is a chance that will come up again for me to ask a girl to slow dance. dancing nowadays at social events is just not really dancing to me.. just a bunch of grinding and stuff. well actually, at weddings there is some slow dancing or whatever. but definitely if the opportunity came up now and there was a girl i wanted to dance with, i wouldn't hesitate twice to ask!!

my friend danny has been back and been hanging out with him like everyday so far. it feels like he's always been here. he asked if i was excited to see him, and i said no. i forgot how boring and lazy he is. it also sucks how his sister lives so far now.

summer is not really all that better.. right now i'm having one of those moments.. just so. blah. like where is my life going. nothing to look forward to. i don't even enjoy drinking that much. or enjoy anything at all much.

watched "year one" the other day. i would say the movie sucks. "the hangover" was much better even though its more hyped up than it is to be. "star trek" is still the number one summer '09 movie so far for me.

just got back from wal mart bought some anti perspirant(sp?), body wash, and shower/bath gloves. i just used the gloves and liked them. it beats loofahs or whatever.

"there is so much i could say but words get in the way"

my back is killing me. i can't even do simple things like putting my pants on, putting shoes on and off, sit, or drive without extreme difficulty. the pain is unbearable when i cough, sneeze it sends a crazy sharp pain up and down my entire back.i should be getting it checked out soon.. hopefully its nothing too bad.

on a happier note, i get to see my homie danny dizzle aka danny dizzang on thursday.

always felt we were meant to be together, felt there was something between us that couldn't be explained.. sorry, can't do this. i can't

i'm really frustrated. i want to tell someone but i can't find the words or courage or the initiative to, although i could write a mile about what is on my mind, which i'm not even sure what it is, just a jumble of things. should i be content with what i have or so called "appreciate what i am given" or should i feel like there is really something more out there, like i am meant for something so much greater than this heap of shit. i'm having one of those moments where i'm young, dumb, and fucking angry at the world. i don't really give a fuck and everyone in this world owes me something.

you were all i ever wanted.. even though we're okay now, its just not the same.

as things seem to get better.. more things get in the way to bring it down... as people are moving forward.. i am moving backwards

hmm seems like some girls fall in love so easily. which also means they fall out of it just as quick. they fall in love with person A, then they fall in love with person B and then forget person A. just an observation..

to talk or not to talk it seems things will be like it was before and it might just be a never ending circle.

edit//

hmm i guess its for real now. i think all i could do is just think positive and try to be happy. it makes life a lot easier. its just once in a while something comes up. overall, i am glad it is how it is i think. there is so much weight lifted off of me. theres nothing holding me back anymore. i want to get really really drunk though.. i think i'd feel better.

i just thought of something pretty recently. girls always say guys can't make up their minds about girls or whatever. i think i found the reason why. if you're a guy, you tend to have this natural ambition or yearning for more. its in everything we do. we are competitive, we can't be content with what we have, we are ambitious. if you are a real man i think if you have a job you don't want to settle with what you have but you want to have more, whether it be money, status, power, respect. so when it comes to girls a guy can grow accustomed to a girl and he can be content. for a while. then he will feel inadequate. he can't really help it but there are just so many girls out there with so many qualities and characteristics. so to fill up a void or searching for something a man has to search for the right things, the right qualities, the right characteristics, the right girls. so it explains when he finds someone he wants but can't have, thats why guys want what they can't have. men love challenges, we work for what we deserve. if something can't be solve we try to find the solution. next time a guy seems indecisive its because he really really can't help it!! its hard to believe but a guy can really love a girl even though it seems he is juggling a couple