i wish i could just just break down and cry..

damn i have work today.. its an easy job.. but i dread it. driving back and forth between norman and mustang sucks. parents are trying to get me to commute when school comes around.. fuck that!

i finished shining inheritance. it's a pretty good series. i enjoyed it, although i didnt really really love it.

i also finally watched gran torino last night. there are many racial slurs, stereotypes, and stuff.. it was an ok movie. i found it funny and kind of awkward..

what should i do this year to celebrate my 20th birthday? i didnt do anything last year, really

weekend was pretty good. stayed in norman friday night and played some beer pong. went rafting saturday. sunday went home took brother around in parents new car. hung out with kevin. played basketball in edmond. ate at ihop. went to trung's house. went to edmond and karaoked.

speaking of karaoke.. have you ever seen trung bui karaoke? lol being around him is always good times.. esp i haven't seen him for a while.

now that i know, i wont wonder anymore. ever have the experience where you just find out a lot of new things thats going on.. kind of shocking things..? and things that will change the way you see people.. at least i know now.

Shining Inheritance

• Description:
  

  This will be focusing on the love and trials of the 20 year old generation. Go Eun Sung's life is similar to Cinderella's. After her father died, her step-mother, Baek Sung Hee, took away all of her assets and her younger brother, Eun Woo, suddenly disappears without a trace. Eun Sung preservers and works really hard to become a chef at a food company. The grandson of the food company, Sun Woo Hwan, notices Eun Sung and falls in love with her.

-if you're looking for a drama to watch, this is a great one to start watching. watch it stream on www.mysoju.com

i miss that feeling.

do you ever feel like everything is unreal? like your life, you aren't really living it. you aren't alive. you're just seeing through the eyes. unreal, kind of like "the matrix".

do you ever feel like you've done something before, or you lived the same moment before. kind of like de ja vu but not exactly. like, there are moments that you feel like "man, if i could do this again, i would so do it differently." but then this feeling i'm talking about is the event is happening for the 2nd or whatever and it feels like you have chosen the same path, made the same decision. do you understand?

can't help but think if i've ever really loved. love is such an ambiguous term.. varied understandings.. if I loved you, and you loved me.. are we feeling the same thing? are we in love? if from time A to time B, i loved you and you didnt love me, and from time C to time D you loved me and i didnt love you, and time B to time C was blank, were we in love from time A to time D?

i am meant for something so much greater.. something big.. do you feel that way? where do i start..? where do i start? i need that initial spark of inspiration light my wick of motivation and stir my flame of passion.. and just let my wax melt.. and melt.. and melt.. let it be felt by the world.

"we are rarely called upon at a moment of our choosing.."

"i don't know"
"i don't care"
"sorry"

if my life was twitter, those would be the trending topics

i'm home. it feels weird. a part of me feels like i belong in maryland. oh well.. we'll see where things go from here. i'm really fortunate to be so loved.. don't take things for granted.

i've been in maryland.. its pretty nice over here. i haven't been on the computer as much which is good.

we went to ocean city.. watched fireworks for 4th of july.. swam at the beach.. walked on boardwalk and played beer pong.. my brother played too. weird

went to DC, virginia and stuff. and shopping of course.. my parents went home wednesday

we went to hersheypark in pennsylvania. it was interesting. went kayaking. friday went out to 'the rooftop' its like a place with a bar on a rooftop then went to a korean bar. i bought my first drink at the bar.. at the rooftop some guy asked if i wanna take a piss with him. at the korean bar some older white man started talking to me.. but no girls. except for the girls i went out with. they kept buying me drinks. made me feel bad

today we went to the zoo in DC. it was tiring, hot and didnt see many animals. we rode on the metro.. i'll update later.. with pics, too.

thoughts and prayers go out to dustin and his family