i like my other blog but i like to make this one for my more real, deeper feelings and opinions and my tumblr will be for different kind of expression of myself.
yesterday partied. whatever.
right now i am just sitting at home in mustang, on this leather couch as rocky is running around.
being a dog is simple. as long as you have a loving family then your life is pretty set. as long as you show some sort of love towards a dog, he will love you back unconditionally. even bad dog owners that neglect and abuse their dogs are still loved by their dogs.
i guess comparing the love of a dog and a human, which one would you rather have? i can spend time playing with my dog, feed him, holding him and he will love me forever. the love of a human, i can spend all my time with you, all my thought and emotions are with you, and yet i cannot still feel loved. yet all of this, we (humans) still yearn for the love of another human.
i was at work the other day and my ex came in with her boyfriend. i don't miss for her or care for her much but i'm just writing about it because it was an awkward moment. i only have like one or two exes so its not like i run into these situations all that much. i am never sure what i should or shouldn't do because i'm not at all that familiar.
the thing is i've run into them before but this was a situation where they had to talk to me. i've always thought i should be the "bigger" person and say hi. i've always said hi to her but there are times she tries to avoid me. it used to "hurt" because i felt like there was an obligation, or because of an old promise. a promise that we'd still be friends or whatever.
when i found out she was dating someone else i was very nice and accepting about it, maybe because my feelings weren't for her anymore but i take human relations very personally. i just feel like i'm a genuinely a nice person and if i say hi to you even though its awkward, i tried my best for it to not be awkward and you should appreciate it. or maybe, just maybe, its hard for you to look at me because you sure knew you were wrong or maybe you felt guilty? i don't know.
well that's enough talking about that. i was just saying all this because i feel like it will lead to what i want to talk about next.
how can a person be with someone so much but yet have so many questions to ask? its like we are physically together but yet.. idk. in all my relationships i've always had a similar problem. there was always something i wanted to know but i never found out. i find myself asking her something and she would answer "i don't know", or "sorry".
i'm sorry you feel so cold because of me. i've always thought of myself as a nice guy, or at least i wanted to be. i think the worst thing i could do you is not break your heart, but made you bitter and not like someone else. i think thats worse than directly hurting someone. making a person hurt another or each other because i was the reason is something that is hard for me to forgive myself for.
last night i realized something that i'm not sure i want to know. i realized how much that i care for you, and how that i worry about you. knowing this i know its going to be harder in the future. i feel like i foresee something. i've always had a sixth sense about relations. i just have a feeling and i hope that i'm so wrong.
there's always a thing about me and girls. in relationships its always sweet and nice in the beginning but i tend to mess up. i mess up and the girl gets tired of it and then i try to fix it. i then realize too late how much the girl means but the girl is tired of me.
to my future relationships, i'll try not to mess up but i probably will. if i do, please don't give up on me. it just take's me a while to realize
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